Tuesday, April 18, 2006

WAXING NIGHTMARE


Ok so the title tells it all.
I have been waxing for the last 8 years, and when I say wax I am not talking about my legs, eyebrows or mustache (although those get waxed too but that’s not part of this story)
So for those of you who need it spelled out My WHO HA. there I said it. The lady is bare (too much information but you'll need it to double over in laughter at me later) We'll just call her Brazilian
So I have eluded to this practice before with this post.
The whole nightmare started a few weeks ago, I went to get more wax the trusty kind that I have been using for 5 years, and it turns out some bastard DISCONTINUED IT!
(If I find them I kill them!) So I do the next best thing I get the stuff that looks the same from the same company, should work the same right?
I zap the wax to an inch of its life and wait for it to cool, when just the right consistency I slather it on, So I dive in as a always do 4 little strips, and when I say little I mean about and inch each, leg prepped on the bathroom counter and then its ready to be pulled.
WTF?
Its mushy??? NO this is not happening.
I'll just let it cool a little longer.
STILL MUSHY!! HOW THE HELL AM I GO TO PULL THIS OFF WHEN ITS ALL SOFT AND MUSHY??
I'll just wait a bit longer…

And I wait…

FUCK!!!

Its not coming off in one sweep like its supposed too. I start to scratch at it and this is where you can all laugh cause yes I am scratching at my WHO HA trying to get the now cooled wax off that is now intertwined with the… well you get it…

FUCKING HELL!!

SO after about and hour of scratching and peeling I walk out of the bathroom.

"Baby, can you come here for a minute"

Hubby "What's up? Why are you half naked?"

"I HAVE A WAX EMERGENCY AND IT WILL NOT COME OFF" (so close to tears at this point)

He takes a closer look...

Hubby "Snicker, snicker what did you do? What do you mean you can not get it off, do you not just pull it off?"

"YES YOU PULL IT OFF BUT THIS STUFF IS DEFECTIVE IT WILL NOT PULL OF AND I CAN NOT EVEN SCRATCH IT OFF, I HAVE BEEN PULLING AND SCRATCHING LIKE MAD!!!"

Hubby is laughing at this point and shaking his head. "What do you want me to do??"

"HELP ME" (keeping in mind he is in hysterics at this point his wife's WHO HA cover in wax)

So between the laughing he starts to scratch (yes at my crotch this is why I love the man) then he has the idea

"Why do you not just have a shower and wash it off with a loafa??" (as if I had not thought of this idea this wax will not come off with soap and water it would make it worse)

For those ladies who have ever waxed there crotch in there life knows how sensitive it can be to even water let alone taking sand paper to it after being waxed or in this case covered in wax and half waxed/pulled off and scratched at my skin is so irritated.

So did I get it all off???

Like Hell I did. I gave up after 2 hours and I even used the "special" oil to remove the shit? AND IT DID NOT EVEN WORK!

Guess who is walking around today with her panties attached to her WHO HA?

9 comments:

alfredsmom said...

Who Ha. :) I do believe that is the technical term isnt it?

That sounds like it really sucks. But I am sure in a few days it will be all gone....

Ive always wanted to try the waxing thing but now Im not so sure. Your brave for doing it yourself.

Anne said...

Oh no! That is horrible..

I was never good at the home wax. Sort of like the tan-in-a-bottle..I just make a mess of things..

One of my ex's paid for me to go get it done one time and I was hooked after that..so now I shell out the money and let a cute little blond girl do do it for me. (well..not now..it isnt necessary at the moment - but once I am back to normal I will be back to the salon)

And yeah..your husband is cool.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

I would highly recommend the brazillian wax. But to start do it at a salon. I MISS OLGA shes the lady who used to do it for me till I moved.
I am so shy to try another one.
Something about being ass up spread eagle for someone who does not have a PHD in front of thier name , shames me..
lol When did I become modest?

astrocoz said...

That is the funniest, yet saddest thing I've heard to date. You poor thing! I hope the wax eventually comes off, without tearing your skin off. That sucks.

coffeygirlb said...

OH. MY. GOD. How horrifying, I would have PA--NICED. May I suggest a professional? The stuff we use is called Nufree, it's great. It's not actually wax. It adheres to the hair only.

MsPinkSlip said...

Can you shave it off? Perhaps there is a little room between your skin and the wax? These are the times you hope you don't get into a car accident that renders you unconscious. What would the ER staff think? "Another idiot who drove of the road while multi-tasking."

Alexia said...

One of the best stories I have ever read on a blog. I've always wanted to go get waxed at a salon. (I just shave at home, easy and painless). I'm a little too intimidated to go to a salon, hopefully sometime soon, I will work up the courage.

Battlerocker said...

I can't think of any suggestions that would be remotely helpful. I guess I will just have to share in the laugh at your misfortune. I hope your Who Ha recovers. Maybe a ‘get well’ card is in order…

KB said...

I'm so EVIL because I'm laughing my ass off at you!!! And damn glad that it aint' me!!! You have official disuaded me from every try that....

 
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