Tuesday, January 31, 2006

High on Fruit loops

Note to self: Never grocery shop when feeling blue. And today is a particularly blue day. Tomorrow is a new day.

I never eat fruit loops but for some reason they jumped into my cart and here we are 1/2 a box later and they ARE SO DELICIOUS!!! I can not even remember the last time I ate fruit loops. We will just call it an "impulse buy" that for the current moments makes me happy, but I know the guilt will come.
Did I really eat 3 bowls?

The State of the Union Address

All I have to say is
Here is a briefing.

bullshit, bullshit, bullshit


Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit

Applause with standing ovation.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

Applause with close up on Hillary Clinton

Bullshit Bullshit bullshit


Bullshit about government spending bullshit


I watched the whole thing.
I almost vomited
In fact I think I will.
I wish I was there. I would love to stand up and say.

Oh I understand. You PROPOSE to do all this so no one can find you accountable.

Now understand that I *hope* some of these promises are followed through with. But having being let down so many times before its easy to make promises and then people forget......
He claims Welfare has dropped? He claims kids have stopped doing drugs? He says Teen pregnancies are on the drop? He claims that abortions are declining?
I am not sure what bubble he lives in or where he gets his information but some how I think a lot of it is fluffed up for your viewing pleasure.

I am so sad at the state of the US. I am not saying I am having a pity party here, but because I have another perspective from another country I feel without a doubt that if the US does not change soon its going to get harder and harder to change.

If the US could change anything I would hope they would change the state of the medical system and health care system.
Canada has free healthcare. Ok yeah we pay more taxes but come on who would pay more taxes to have proper health care?

I HATE talking about politics!
Anyways I could ramble on but we all have opinions.
This is mine

Have you ever wondered about the Red Light Cameras?

You know as you pull up to the intersection there are big signs warning you about the cameras and they are not exactly small? Have you ever wondered if they are just trying to get people to slow down through the intersection?
Well they are real. We got this nice letter in the mail where the first page states
The following page is 4 pictures of the violation. Picture #1 is your car at the intersection with a red light. The #2 is you committing the violation (you in the intersection with the light that's red)with your speed and everything. The #3 is a picture of you in your car (I know crazy stuff) And the #4 is your license plate. Pretty cool stuff. Well not really if you get caught but its amazing to see what technology can do.
Damn red light cameras! It's funny this is not an actual picture of the hubbies violation but there is someone in the car with him so when I opened the letter at first my stomach dropped and I thought "WHO THE HELL WOULD BE IN THE CAR WITH HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?" It turns out to be a co-worker but they blur out the face to make in impossible to see who it was.
LOl I can imagine how many husbands get burned with the mistress by the red light cameras or vice versa.

Who wants to be American anyways?

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 3 out of 10 right!

I AM CANADIAN! But its good to know if I ever wanted to be American they would say no.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Up late studying

So I figure I will just read my real estate books till I fall asleep. Its such dry boring material that my brain for some reason will not maintain. I read one line over and over then I read 3 more and forget what the first line was about.
Its sort of like (in my husbands words) like reading stereo instructions.
It also does not help that I have been outta school for over 10 years so my little brain has not needed to absorb anything and apply it in a long time.

Its also good to know if I fail the exam I can take it again in a month (not that I want to fail the exam its just good to know)

I wish my brain would turn off. Its in overdrive today, not to mention I did not follow the doctors orders and lay in bed all day. I needed to do laundry or the hubby was going to have to go comando. EWWW gross.

My mom called she was in a really good mood, said she was calling to check in to see how things were going. This is weird seeing how we usually only talk about once every 6 months. And she called 2 weeks ago. It was good to talk to her.
It turns out my baby brother (yeah I say baby but he's 6'1 and 250 pounds) may come to visit for a couple of weeks. He says he needs to get away and seeing how right now I am not at work we could spend a bunch of time together.
It would be good to see family, its been almost a year since I was home last. I am hoping that before I go back to work that I will be able to go home even if its just for a little while.

This is my life- 13 injections later

I went back to the "pain management" doctor today for some more injections to my spine. Lots of fun. Only 13 this time. I am really emotional today though. I have been told to stay in bed to not "aggravate" the inject sites. I have also been told that if this round of injections does not work I am up shit creek.
Basically there is nothing left the modern medicine can do for me. I have to live with the pain.
I have been given strict doctors orders that I must go to the gym 5 days a week to do cardio. He says because I am young and healthy I do not drink or smoke that the best "pain management" for me it to stay fit.
Also the Vicodin he says will not work with the spasms I have. "DUH" I have been telling the other doctor this for 6 months.
He says the parts that are injured (3torn ligaments and 2 compressed discs and one protruding disk at t-8) will always cause problems.
I have been damaged beyond repair. He says even having the disks fused together in my neck may offer some relief but there are no guarantees.
Just my luck. I cried on the way home. This really sucks! I guess I have to be optimistic though and think of the glass half full ( I have been hearing this a lot lately).
I am lucky it was not worse (if that's at all possible)
I am lucky I can still walk.
I am lucky I have a high threshold to pain.(I barely flinched today)
I am lucky I have a supportive husband (although sometimes I think he's ready to throw the towel in too)
I am lucky that I worked for a HUGE corporation and everything has been taken care of.
I'm lucky.
I will still cry though, I figure I am entitled to that. And then I will be strong and wipe away the tears and realize there is nothing I can do about the situation and let life continue.....

Sunday, January 29, 2006

So the big day turned out to be not so big

Because I could not sleep and never did get to sleep the alarm was set for 7am so I turned it off and opted not to go to the first aid thing. The way the Red Cross runs things I would end up there at 8am and they would have forgot about the session and forgot to call and tell everyone about the cancellation (its happened before) so I stayed home and tried to sleep. I could not sleep so I finally got outta bed. Went to BINGO someone won $95,000.00.
It was not me.
Came home went to bed at 9pm. I know I'm getting old when 9pm used to be when I was getting ready to go clubing.
I need to go home soon for a visit. I miss home. I need a night out on the town.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

I have a big day tomorrow

Actually later today. I have to get up (if I ever get to sleep) and go to The American Red Cross for my CPR and First Aid training. I had it once before but because my hubby and I are active Volunteers with The Red Cross they offer a refresher for free so I am going to go. Hubby was supposed to go too but he has other things he needs to get done so I am on my own. They sent us emails the other day about being sent back out either to Mississippi or right into New Orleans to one of the shelters there so I am going to find out when.
When we went to Houston (the Astrodome, it's a long crazy story about 250,000.00 people and 18 hour days)we were only required to stay 10 days, we ended up there 12 but it seemed like a lot longer. I may go out again without hubby because he has no more vacation left but I will have to see what we get back in taxes. I may need to get a job this week.
Sniff sniff. 10 months of vacation is almost over.
I will have to post again about what a mess The Red Cross is. Now do not get me wrong they do really great things and I feel blessed to have been able to work with them because both hubby and I agree that being there and being part of the relief efforts for hurricane Katrina was life changing for us both. It was almost impossible not to be effected by the lives that were in your hands and the people that touched our hearts.
The Red Cross is the most unorganized, organization I have ever known. If requested I will post about my dealings with the Red Cross.
It still does not change that I will always be a volunteer with them, but they are so unorganized!!!!

It is now 2:45am


Chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time.
Insomnia is a sleep disorder characterised by an inability to sleep and/or to remain asleep for a reasonable period during the night. Sufferers typically complain of being unable to close their eyes for more than a few minutes at a time, or of 'tossing and turning' through the night.

If insomnia continues for more than a few nights running, it can become chronic and cause a sleep deficit that is extremely detrimental to the sufferer's well-being. Insomnia interrupts the natural sleep cycle, which can be hard to restore. Some insomniacs unwittingly perpetuate their complaint by napping in the late afternoon or early evening, leading to wakefulness at bedtime and more insomnia. Others push their bodies to the limits, until their sleep deficit causes severe physical and mental effects.

No kidding it has mental effects... I am proof.
In all seriousness it really sucks.
Sometimes I wish I was a great writer. All these nights I have so much time on my hands seeing how sleep evades me yet again...
I tried to put myself on a schedule that I woke at the same time went to bed at the same time ect. but that failed as did everything else.
I have tried counting sheep.
I have tried Yoga (still works sometimes)
I have tried reading.
I have tried sex. (makes me more awake)
I have tried just laying there breathing deep (mom's suggestion I told it worked, but really lay there and take deep breaths? I think its she is secretly wanting me to have babies and all the "deep breathing" is as good as lamas.)
I have tried drugs alot of different ones, it turns out to work for about 4-5 days and then my body has no effect to them. And besides I HATE to take drugs.)
I have tried working out like crazy during the day to help.
I have tried to work out right before bed (this keeps me awake)

Friday, January 27, 2006

Nyquil and Pain meds...

I thought would be a great combination. I made careful consideration in telling the husband that if I have a heart attack or stroke he knew what I took and how much.
The combo did not or has not worked. It feels that I am kicking this cold because its not as bad today as it was yesturday but I still feel like shit.
I wish I could sleep.
Fun things to do at night?
Blog surfing, and catching up. I can not believe how many blogs are out there. Some just write about Random things (you like that?) I feel like a voyeur looking in and no one knows. Well not really. I am AMAZED at all the great writers there are out there.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The rollercoaster we call life

Actually true story: Moments before I walked down the isle my father turns to me to put the veil over my face and looks in my eyes while holding my shoulders.
"Are you ready for the rollercoaster ride we call Forever?"
Thus ensued the stream of tears and trembling. I will always remember that moment. It still warms my heart to think of that.

I think its funny how things work out. I mean when you have no control over anything and you just go with the flow and let come what may.You can be completely down and out and in a instant it all has changed (well at least for the moment). Weird but funny. I always have faith things will work out and I will be better for having been through it, but I sometimes think life is a test. Actually I know it is. Sometimes you just have to throw your hands in the air and scream at the top of you lungs with all the butterflies in your stomach through the little hills and the big hills. Knowing in the end eventually it will all stop.

I love this quote

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
By Mother Teresa

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

How is so much possible? Just a bitching post

Serious I have so much snot and congestion in my friggin head. Its so bad. I decided this morning that I am going to start taking vitamins. I figure this may curb the amount of colds I get in a year. Serious I looked back in my Journal and it turns out about every 2 months I get sick with a cold. And when I get a cold it kicks my ass! I spent the whole day in Pj's yesterday and I will be doing the same today I just do not have the energy to get up and be productive.

And I guess the shittier I feel the worse my back is. I am starting to have spasms in my shoulder and neck now which is not fun. They started about and hour ago and now they are in synch with the spasms in my back.
Could be the stress... Probably is.
I can not wait till my big handsome man (he left today in a suit looking all hot) gets home with his big strong hands to work it out.
Get your mind out of the gutters people!
Serious I need some hugs. I think that sounds needy but I am not ashamed to say I need it.

I Finally Added Links!

It took a minute to figure out but I did it! All by myself (as she points to the side bar with a big smile of triumph)
It feels like a big accomplishment to not have had to ask the man (computer tech guy) how to do it.
So if you would like me to add you as a link let me know.
Its pitiful right now cause there has only been 1 link request.
But I know there are a bunch of you who read this so let me know. Now I will go to the million or so sites that I read to see if they want to be added.
I am a loser I know

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

One flaw in Women


By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.

An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
Have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable,
and be able to run on water and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a
broken heart,
and she will do everything
with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close
to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."

She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.

The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."

AND SHE IS!!!!!!

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.


I have a secret.

Now that I have you on the edge of your seat. (as if) No serious I have been pondering this for a while, there is something coming up in my life that I hope.....Well I don't even want to say.
I know I got you all worked up then no spill.
It's sort of like telling someone what you wished for when you blow out your birthday candles?
Anyways I am feeling the pressure on top of all the other shit going on in my life.
Thank God for my hubby. I would really be a mess without him.
He always says something that makes everything ok.
You should have seen his face when I told him I went to Wal-mart to pick up my prescription in my full feet PJ'S. (I really did not) But it was funny to say for the shock value.

Good to know!

So I did mention that I needed to find another job.....

Your Stipper Song Is

Toxic by Britney Spears

"With the taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic I'm slippin' under"

You may dance for someone - but only to weaken their defenses.

Oh and also in case I desided to do a little porn on the side...

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Mary Muffmuncher

AS IF!!!! Where do they get these ideas?
You have to admit though it is a bit funny.... I am amused anyways.

Who knew?

You're A Crazy Drunk

When you drink, you get wrecked - and it ain't pretty.

So its offical- Canada Votes for The Conservative Party

WASHINGTON (CP) - The White House congratulated Stephen Harper on Tuesday for his Conservative party's election win in Canada.

"We look forward to strengthening our relations and working with the new government," said Scott McClellan, spokesman for President George W. Bush.

U.S. Republicans have been quietly hoping for a Conservative win after years of increasingly tense ties under the Liberals.

I HATE being "that" person

You know that person that is arguing with the pharmacist while the line continues to grow behind you?
That person that is in shock that they have to pay full price because the insurance company changed there mind about the birth control you take and has decided that you now after 18 months have to pay full price. But just for your type of birth control.
The fuckers!
Really I did not argue I just "inquired" when it had changed when I was passed my prescription with a price tag of $45.00 instead of the $10 it has been for the last 18 months.
In the words of the husband "THE SHIT JUST KEEPS ON COMING!" And I hate to put it on a credit card not knowing whats going to happen in the next week or two.
I almost bought a cake to make and eat all by myself. But I knew I would have been caught when the hubby gets home and smells the baking in the air. Not that he would have cared but we are "trying" to eat better and he has school tonight so we will not have time to make it to the gym.

So the hubby comes home and....

He's not feeling so well....His work sent him to sick call to see what's wrong (everyone has been sick at his job since last week)and he now has picked up a cough. See one thing about this boy is HE NEVER GETS SICK! Someone-who-had-a-cold-2-weeks-ago-gets-outta-the-elevator-5-minutes
Serious who wakes up today coughing?Sneezing?Sore throat?And lime green boggies?
Yep me! Without fail.
Also when he came home I am frantically searching through the millions of job postings, crying and worrying about to loose my mind and I dump all my woes into his lap and what does he do? He laughed at me. Yep. And asked me why I was all worked up about something I had no control over. (this is one of the reasons I love the man)
Still frantic I ask "What happens if we can not make a car payment?"
Hubby "Has it happened yet?"
Me "No, but I have never paid a bill late in my life!"
Hubby "Neither have I (then he looks into my eyes with that look, you know the one that makes all the worries go away?) You just have to have faith it will all work out"
Me "But"
Him "No buts, stop worrying!"
See I blame this all on my mom. Yeah she passed the worry jean onto me as a child. I worry about everything!!
So that's that. I get a job (soon I hope) and all will be worked out.
Sometimes I wish I could have a level head like him. I prefer to freak out and cry then look at stressful situations logically.
Opposites do attract. Could you imagine if we were both spaz cases?
So we went to the movies. (don't worry we had free passes and free popcorn and drinks)
We saw the sequel to Underworld.
It was good. Funny thing was we had free passes to get into the show but there was a door wedged open in the theater and is was super windy out and the door was hissing, so after my hubby and I attempted to close the door ourselves to no avail he went in search of the manager to advise of the situation, 2 managers came back to try to close the door, but it was off center. SOOO the manager announces to the theater that the door is beyond her control and we all get free passes to come back due to the inconvenience of the hissing door. WEEHOO free to get in and we score another free movie. Cool.
Ok not all of the story. See there were 12 movies playing, and only one that would not permit us to use our free passes. You guessed it. We were not supposed to go see Underworld but that's the only one we wanted to see soooo we bought tickets to another movie and went to see the one we wanted to see.
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
We really did feel bad about it. Sneaking into a movie we were not supposed to see and then scoring free passes from that movie.
Its not like we snuck in or anything. We TECHNICALLY PAID TO GET IN.
Whatever, I do not need to justify myself to my blog.
Lol I am such a loser.

Monday, January 23, 2006

And the stress starts.

Ok I was hurt at work March 11th, 2005.
They finally told me 2 weeks ago what was wrong. (for 10 months I was told it was a pulled muscle. Turns out it was 3 torn ligaments, and I may need to have vertebrae fused in my neck and a bunch of other things)
Bad News-
Today I called the Lawyer. Turns out workmans comp stops as soon as they get the final report.
Then they stop paying me because I fall into a class that I am "permenatly disabled" and they pay 1/4 of what I was getting (my full pay)
So now how do I pay the car payments and rent?
Really do I pull the money out of my ass?
Oh and the company I worked for stops my benefits and to continue them I need to pay $294.00 a month WHAT??? Are you serious??? They notify me 2 weeks before my benefits end. So I better hope I do not get sick till I get a new job.
Spent the day looking for a job, I HATE JOB SEARCHING!!!.
And when I thought things could not get worse.
Good news- my hubby will be home soon so I can cry in his big arms and he will tell me everything will be ok.

100 Things you may or may not know about me

1. I am Canadian
2. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
3. I love kids.
4. I love old people.
5. I believe in pre-marital sex.
6. I am scared to death of dogs. ( I was attacked when I was young) But I am getting better. I really love dogs and I can not wait to have my own.
7. There are 5 kids in my family. 3 brothers and a sister
8. 2 of my brothers are firefighters
9. My baby sister wants to work with the mentally challenge and children with autism.
10. I did 13 years of ballet.
11. I trained 2 years (summers only) with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet.
12. I can still hold my leg up over my head while standing on the other.
13. I can still do the splits.
14. I wish I could sing (I really can't)
15. I convinced a few people to get piercing that they maybe never would have gotten.
16. I have 3 tattoos.
17. I did 9 years of competitive gymnastics.
18. My favorite color is purple.
19. I love shoes!
20. And purses
21. I was a brownie, a girl guide, and a pathfinder.
22. I have been to Nova Scotia, Hawaii, Dominican republic, Mexico, all over the States.
23. My dream destinations are everywhere else. Especially Fiji, Turks and Caicos, Australia, Italy, Greece, Paris and anywhere else a plane will take me.
24. I understand French (I speak some if I have to)
25. My Hubby is my best friend.
26. I have puked about 1 million times in my life already.
27. I spent 179 days in the hospital when I was 15.
28. I am scared to death of needles.
29. I faint at the site of blood. ( but I donate it anyways)
30. I think volunteering is a reflection of your character.
31. I have only given 2 people the finger in my life (they deserved it)
32. I have never smoked.
33. I have done drugs. (nothing really hardcore)
34. I collect Christmas ordiments ( they have to mean something to me though I collect them when we travel)
35. I got straight A's in high school.
36. I have been arrested, fingerprints, handcuffs and everything. (it was not my fault and all charges were dropped, I was 15)
37. I tend to dance on bars when I drink.
38. I may have fallen off one too.
39.. My favorite drink is Malibu and Pineapple.
40. I have had sex with a women.
41. I would try anything at least once.
42. Complete strangers have seen my poop.
43. My grandpa lived with me till I was 13.
44. My best friend when I was 9 was an 80 year old women who lived down the street
45. I was able to ski by the time I was 6 ( my best friends dad owned a ski hill)
46. My mom is afraid of the water ( I think this is why I did all the classes to be a lifeguard)
47. I want to swim with sharks.
48. I believe that " A man can change his stars"
49. I think life is what you make it.
50. I think life is not fair sometimes.
51. I believe everything happens for a reason no matter how bad it gets.
52. I am thankfully that I was able to be there with my grandfather when he passed. The last thing he said to all of us moments before died was "Let me go, I have had a good life"
53. I hope in my last moments that I will have that wisdom and strength.
54. My favorite childhood memories are sitting with my grandpa on his bed (his room was next to mine) and listening to stories about the war, the depression, and what it was like to grow up in his time.
55. I have had my nose broken 3 times.
56. My mom used to spank us with a leather belt ( I only got it 1 time, it was enough)
57. I am grateful to have a big family, no matter how bad "the shit gets" we always stick together.
58. Somehow things always work out.
59. I am not ticklish.
60. I used to make people wear socks in my pool. (feet really grossed me out) I got over it.
61. The first 6 months of marriage are the worst.
62. I have no kids (yet)
63. I am the self professed QUEEN of care packages!
64. I live 2873.6 miles away from all my friends and family.
65. I am a picture "whore" I love to take pictures of everyone.
66. I love to scrapbook.
67. I have dressed up as a clown and COSMO (cosmic adventures) to entertain kids.
68. I am allergic to hot dogs and Bologna
69. I believe in looking for the good in any situation (even if it sucks)
70. My first car was blue and it was labeled " Le Blue Penus"
71. I do not drink coffee or soda (pop for you Canadians reading this)
72. I am a sweets freak and I love candy!
73. When I was 5 and you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, everyone around me wanted to be ballerinas and firefighters I wanted to be a mother.
74. I love all types of music with exception to country, I can handle it but you will not find it on my MP3 player.
75. I love to play blackjack (not a big gambler but I can hold my own)
76. Bingo is fun too
77. I trust everyone till they give me a reason not to.
78. I have been blessed with a great group of "girlfriends" I think of them all the time.
79. My favorite asset about a man? His eyes, his hands, and the way he smells.
80. I have an obsession with MAC cosmetics. I love the stuff!! And I have swayed a few friends and family to love it too. My makeup bag is about $4000. Worth of the stuff. And that's just the stuff I use daily. Its bad I know.
81. My favorite shows are CSI, Greys Anatomy, Desperate housewives and now American Idol.
82. I hate diets.
83. I believe you should love with all of your heart. Even if it hurts.
84. I sing out loud in my car.
85. People ask me if my boobies are real. They are.
86. I dislike people who are fake.
87. I like to say what I am thinking. The good the bad the ugly. This has lead to many debates.
88. I think you should be able to laugh at yourself. (I do all the time)
89. I think pregnant women are sssoooo beautiful.
90. I love sleep ins.
91. I like to go to the gym. Serious though I enjoy staying/getting in shape.
92. I have a woobie. (baby blanket)
93. I have full feet PJ's.
94. I would love to be a photographer.
95. I have done nudes.
96. I love date nights. (my husband and I have promised each other we would always have date nights, we go on "dates" about once a week)
97. I believe you should never go to bed angry.
98. I have never (except for now) had only one job. I am a workaholic.
99. I love to laugh.
100. I am passionate about life and love.

Things that are on my mind...

I really do not like to talk about politics, but seeing how I am out of the situation and have no say in the matter (ie I can not vote) I think I will comment.
I have been following the election that is coming up.
For those American bloggers who dabble in reading this, Canada is about to elect there new "President" We call him a Prime Minister.
The election happening tomorrow,or rather later today. I wish I could vote.
We already know who's going to win, the Liberals have been in office for 13 years and Canada is ready for a change. I like change but it comes with a cost.
All polls indicate Canadians are ready for change, disgusted by the broken promises and corruption scandals of the Liberal Party and willing to give Conservative leader Stephen Harper the benefit of doubt, despite fears he's too extreme in his views opposing abortion and gay marriage.

See Canada to me is a beautiful place. They allow a women the choice to choose about abortion.
Before I get nasty emails (please do not waste your time) I believe a women should have the choice. Its not something I could chose for myself but I have been there with friends who have made the choice. I think its up to the person to decide and who are we to judge those decisions?
If Harper/The Conservative party take the reins he has made it very clear that he opposes abortion and gay marriage.
I was so proud to read that Canada was the 3rd country in the world to begin the process to legalize gay marriage.
Again who are we to judge. And I speak of this on a personal note. I have and will always have a diverse group of friends.
June 28th 2005
OTTAWA (CP) - It was fought in courtrooms, in legislatures, in street protests, and one of the most turbulent debates in Canadian history was settled Tuesday in Parliament.

The House of Commons voted 158 to 133 to adopt controversial legislation that will make Canada the third country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage. Several Liberals marked the occasion by invoking the memory of their party's anointed philosopher king, Pierre Trudeau.

When I first read this it gave me goose bumps. It also made me proud to be Canadian. I think it is about time that society accepts and welcomes the difference in humans in the ever evolving world. Nothing can stay the same forever. And for a country to make a change this big will forever change how society views Gays and Lesbians. It is no longer "wrong" or "taboo" to be in a same sex partnership.

Canadians can rejoice that we will make a difference not only in Canada but also in the world.
I hope that change is good.
I hope that Canadians will always stand up for what we believe.
I hope.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Over zealous of the little green monster

Why does this always happen to me? Really? Am I being punished for something? If so please let me know what so I can apologize and get on with it! I think its a test.
See this ALWAYS happens. Maybe I am just a crack head, but my whole life this happens. I start taking a new drug. Any drug and after a week poof it no longer works! I WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT GETTING SOMETHING THAT I COULD FINALLY SLEEP THROUGH A WHOLE NIGHT AND NOT WAKE UP, and a week later it no longer works. I am scared to take 2 cause I may have a heart attach and I really do not like taking the drugs. It was bad enough that I drooled the first time I took it. It has however been the only thing that has brought me a night of relief so I guess I am thankful for that.
I just wish it would have lasted longer than a week.
I am wide awake.
I guess I surf the web.
Chronic Insomnia
Gotta love it

Sometimes I hate being a girl!~

So I went to the Casino last night. The hubby had the brother in law over for football night/day so Sat and Sundays I go to Bingo. Well BINGO went fine, still have not won but that's another story. So after BINGO I went to play blackjack, at first I was just going to check the tables and see if there was space, on a Saturday there usually is not any space, but lucky me there was a spot, so I began to play. Then this guy who I would have never noticed sits beside me to play. Alls fine about an hour later dude who was sitting beside me is up $400 bucks so he leaves. Well I continue to play an hour later when I am done I get up and who's standing behind me?? Dude that I thought had left an hour earlier. Weird I thought until he started to follow me really close. I turned to him and said "Hey dude do you have a problem with personal space" He was standing on top of me. He laughed it off but was still stuck to my hip.
See this is the point that being a girl sucks. I am not saying I am weak and I could have taken him had anything happened but I started to get weirded out, and maybe a little scared. Why is that? Why does an aggressive male make me scared? I think its the fear of the unknown. Why is he following me? What does he want?
I kindly tell him I need to get home to my husband and kids, he still follows. I stop and turn to him and say "Well its been great chatting with you see you later"
He still stays close to me. See I have a problem being nasty to complete strangers, well blame that on my mom but that's another story.
I am now really uncomfortable and he inquires where I am parked???
WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS "Oh I can not remember what level I parked on I'll figure it out when I get there"
creepy guy "Well I could walk you to your car if you like"
creepy guy "oh"
So what do I do this guy is going to follow me to my car.
I walk up to the closest security guard and start talking to him.
Me. "Hey, how are you I have not seen you in a while"
Security guard " I'm good, oh they move me all over the Casino so I am often not in the same place"
Me "So how's your girlfriend?" I peer over my shoulder and creepy guy is standing there waiting.
Security Guy " She's good" Then he looks around and notices the situation I am in.
"hey, let me walk you to your car."
So he calls for back up and I tell him what had happened. He explains the Casino is pretty safe however if someone follows you out of coarse you would be on your own.
There was a big fight (this also scares me) so the doors to the parking garage were closed as soon as they opened he walked me to my car.
*shudder* Why did I feel like the weaker sex?
The whole way home I was sick to my stomach. Not to mention I was driving like a crazy person so in case he did follow in his own car at least I could lose him.

Friday, January 20, 2006

I ran a marathon in heels

At least that's what I feel like. My ass, thighs, and hips are killing me. I know this is because I have not worn heels in forever and trampsing around for hours drunk in heels has kicked my ass.
The things us women do to look good.
As soon as I got home I napped. Hubby went out cause I was dead to the world. My back is killing me today. I think I may have over done it. Oh well it was worth it. Had a great time.
Sure I say that now but tomorrow will be hell I am sure. If the 2nd day is the worst I am sure I will not be able to get outta bed tomorrow.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!

Unless you read this. I had such a good time!!
The day started off me lost and driving in circles on Las Vegas Blvd. Harriette was waiting in the Valet at Ceasars palace because she had to go return the rental car. So after an hour (you would have thought getting into Ceasars Palace would be easy) It was only I kept going the wrong way. Finally I found her waiting in her car, I would have missed her had she not been screaming my name out the car window.
We returned the car to the airport and then dropped all my crap off in the suite.
THE ROOM WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!! These are actually real pictures of the suite they were in.
It turned out that Rob (Harriette's boy friend) his uncle is a high roller at Ceasears and they got this room free for a whole week. There was a plasma TV in the bathroom with a jet tub and a huge 2 people glass shower. It was in the new wing they just finished building. It was so nice and the bed was heaven!
So we started our day getting breakfast we went to Bally's across the street from the hotel, somehow someone said they had a good buffet but it was gross. We stomached what we could and then walked it off on the strip. It was so nice to get caught up and have some girl time. I have been to Vegas like 7 times now and I am still surprised at how the time gets away from you. We checked out a few of the casinos and found a cute little outdoor bar that we got our first drink. (the first of many) It was so cold out (cold in comparison to Cali) and you could certainly tell who was local and who was from out of town. The locals were walking around in winter coats and hats with mits and the tourist had shorts and T-shirts on.
We went back to the hotel to start getting read for ladies night. Because I had been to Vegas quite a few times before I knew to keep it cheap we would need to pre-drink. Because we had stopped to gamble I was already 2 sheets to the wind (I have become a light weight) with all the free drinks we had at the tables. See I learned the first time I went to Vegas in order to get "GREAT" drinks the first time the waitress comes by, make sure to tip her $5. Seems like a lot I know but then the drinks keep coming and coming. Also the drinks are a lot stronger than they would be other wise. So I had also come to Vegas prepared because I had a bottle of Raspberry Vodka with me.
WE showered (which sobered us both up)
We did the typical girl fashion show to decide what to wear. Rob came back from gambling, and we all decided that it would be a good idea to have food in the bellies before we ravaged them with alcohol.
Ceasars has a great little food court and we stopped by the club we wanted to go to, to find out how much cover was and drinks. It turned out that PURE the club we wanted to go to was only open on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED!
PURE is the #1 club in the states and I was really looking forward to letting loose on the dance floor (This girl can grove!)
So the doorman tells us that TYRST at Wynn was the best club to go to on a Thursday night, but because it was soooo cold we really did not want to leave the hotel.
We went to "The Pussycat Lounge".The women were so beautiful and the show was great. I found it strange that other than a handful of other women in the lounge it was all quaking men. I was guilty too. There was a lot of ass shaking, leg lifting, toe touching action. The lead "Pussycat" had a voice on her like Christina Aguilara. The only thing I would say was bad about the whole thing was that it was all standing room, unless you paid the 2 bottle minimum for a table which was $600. So you had all these people standing around and 5 empty tables/couches that if you wanted to use you had to pay for the bottle minimum. They do this in Hollywood too, which is not a cool thing but it makes the clubs a lot of cash. Not to mention it saves the "high rollers" from having to go to the bar to order drinks. The bottles are left on the tables with ice and mix and they drink as they please.
AHH what it would be like to have money to blow. I think its a great idea if you have a bunch of people, you could easily spend $100 out on a night on the town so if you all pooled your money. Ok Off topic.
So after we saw the show the lounge emptied out, and all the loser people who paid $600 for a table were left there to listen to a DJ spin.
We took up shop in the sports book with our pre-made-fit-in-your-purse-drinks to have a few more. At this point we are so inebriated we digress back to the days we first met. It was so nice to get caught up. Roots started to grow out of our asses to the chairs and we had a good laugh at all the old people walking around, and falling asleep in the casino. And we had heard the song "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" For the 7th time (we were right beside the pussycat lounge). We decided to explore, about a (what should have been a 1 minute walk) 10 minute walk we arrived at the "Shadowbar" This picture is hard to see but behind the bar there were naked ladies dancing and there shadows are casted across the screen.
It was a nice bar, small but nice. Drinks were $21 CRAZY! So after a few shots at the bar and Harriette flirting with the bartender we got some cheap STRONG! drinks. It was so much fun.
I am such a people watcher and it was a great place to watch people. We sat on a nice couch facing the bar and chatted while we sipped our STRONG vodka cranberries. We fantasize about being able to dance behind the screen and how we would be so great at it. WE WERE SO HAMMERED AT THIS POINT! And being that we only had to crawl up to bed we kept drinking. I think if I remember correctly at one point I think I got sick. No I did not get sick I felt like I was going to get sick. We made friends in the bathroom, which is something I have not done since I was in Canada.
I think its funny how women bond in the bathroom. And hey its Vegas. There was a lady with a peacock in her hair. You had to be there but it was hilarious, every time she walked by we did our best impression of a "PICAW, PICAW" at the top of our lungs.
We talked about how old we were and how 3 years ago there would be no way we would have turned down the chance to go to a club with 10,000.00 other people.
Its funny how things change. For the better.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Starting to pack

Some may think this is an easy thing. For most it would be, throw in an outfit or two a pair of shoes and your off. No not me. Now don't get me wrong I am by no means high maintenece but its hard for me to pack light. The last time I went home I took 12 pairs of shoes and I was there only 11 days. This is me though. Like a good girl guide/girl scout you have to be prepared. And also I am visiting Harriette and for those of you who know her, well lets just put it this way... I NEED TO BE PREPARED FOR ANYTHING. Because anything is usually what happens. I am thinking ahead this time though and I am going to pack a dress fit for a wedding. Not cause I was invited but knowing anything can happen I may even end up crashing the wedding. I LOVE WEDDINGS and if I show up prepared....lol... I need more social interaction with people other than the mother in law and spouse.
So far 4 pairs of shoes packed. (I am only going one day)
I'm hopeless and yes all the makeup is going too. Well all that fits in the case, I doubt I will need the bright yellow or orange....but then again..


I am going to drive out to Vegas to meet Harriette. She's in town for a wedding and seeing how its only about a 2 1/2 hour drive I can not pass up the chance to visit with a dear friend.
It should be a day/evening of heaving drinking, dancing and catching up.
I so need this girl time!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Doctors are a bunch of liars!

The doctor advised me yesterday that I should have relief from the pain in about an hour. I waited. It never happened.
Today my back and neck feel worse than they have in a long time. If that is at all possible.
I was hoping for at least a little bit of relief. But I am left with nothing.
I have to go back in 2 weeks for a follow up appointment, he did however explain in extreme situations it may take 2-3 sessions before people feel the relief.
Lucky me I am an extreme situation.

I went to the gym

I should know better than to have tried to go @ 6:30pm in January. Why you ask? Well anyone knows that about 75 million people make new years resolutions to lose weigh. What this means to all of us who like to go to the gym year round, is that January and the start of February are gym HELL. I should have known in the parking lot when I had to park 2 blocks away from the front doors. Which is fine I prefer to park in the back of the lot but when I went in the gym WAS PACKED!! There was not a free machine to be found and there were also lines started for the treadmills and elliptical trainers. I thought I could get on a bike.....no luck. All being used. And people standing around to jump on when someone was done. I was going to do a quick leg weight lifting session, but when I ventured to that location people were crammed in like sardines.
I opted to skip it for tonight. I will venture out again tomorrow during the day. At least some people have to work and I can get in a good workout.
I am going to dust off the Pilates DVD's and work out on the comfort of my bedroom floor.

Diets suck!

I hate diets. I love food too much to diet. But as it turns out "we" are on a diet. Not a really strict one but the hubby and me have concurred that we are not getting any smaller and its best to start one now. He's also training to get back into the military and I want to run at least a 1/2 marathon some time this year so healthy eating here we come. I write about this because I am home alone and I have ravaged the cupboards about 15 times now trying to find something to satisfy my sweet tooth.
Its all gone.
All of it.
Only thing left is stuff that is good for me and a Caesar salad will not just do it for me.
Sniff sniff
Almost tempted to stroll over to the grocery store..
hum no I think I'll go to the gym. Maybe... We'll see....

Monday, January 16, 2006

Have you ever had a spinal tap?

This was way worse!! I had a spinal tap as a child and from what I remember it was really painful, somehow though I think as a child you remember pain differently. I do not think it scars you as it does when you are an adult...
So the doc comes in chats you all up, makes you feel comfortable then leaves and in comes the nurse, on the Dr's exit he announces when he comes back he wants me on the table hugging the pillow (I usually only take that order from one person but Hey he's a doctor, also my hubby was there for moral support)
So I lay on the table hugging the pillow and my hubby starts to talk about the size of the needle (did I mention that I HATE NEEDLES!), the nurse also happens to mention that there is a lot more than normal amounts of the fluid than she is used to preparing for the doctor. So I become sick, I still have no idea what to expect but I keep telling myself that if this means I can have a day without pain it will be worth it. I wait for what seems like forever and I finally have to sit up. Hubby told me not to look at the needle cause I would freak myself out (this comes from the last time I took him with me to the Doctors the doctor made me lay down cause he was worried I would pass out when he gave me the needle). And when you tell me (most of the time) not to do something I usually will.
Well I looked, IT WAS HUGE! It was the length of my longest finger and there was a lot of fluid in the needle. So finally the doc comes in and I am told to lie down.
Reluctantly I lay down to the amusement of my hubby who thinks at this point I am being a big baby I lay down the doctor maps out the problems in question then:
See I usually do not have a potty mouth unless I have been drinking in excess or occasionally in my blog but I am usually pretty tame in dropping of the F boom.
Dr. "Oh i"m sorry this is very painful"
(this so does not do it justice it was worse than having all your toe nails pulled right off)
Dr. "I am going to take a little break while you catch your breath"
So to the amusement of my husband who while being blugened with the needle agreed "yeah that does look pretty painful"
When he was done another doctor joined us to talk about where and how the injections were done.
I later learn that trigger point injections are the same as getting an epideral. Sort of like when you are in labor and having a baby.
The difference is that they give you the needle one time in your spine NOT 10.
And I want kids. YEAH RIGHT

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Greys Anatomy

I love the show. Last week they cheesed out and did a re-run of all the old episodes all in one.
tonight's a new one.
And desperate housewives. The first time I watched it I thought it was dumb. I still think its dumb and would discribe it as a soap opera for hip older people.
Does that make sense? Its like a car crash you want to look away and you can't. And also there is nothing else on in that time slot so it sucks me in....

Dreading tomorrow

Football Sundays are days I get to go gamble. I had a good time. Of coarse I did not win anything but it was fun anyways.
Carolina Won I was happy (that's my mans team)
tomorrow I get to let some doctor inject needles into my spine.
A few of you may know how bad I hate needles and they seem to hate me too.
2 in my neck
2 in my spine.
Lots of fun
Still dealing with the friggin side effects of the Little Green Monster. Seem I can not get enough fluids into my system, the best way to describe it would be like when you are eating saltine crackers. You know they make you mouth all dry and its hard to swallow and you need fluids to get them down.
Feels like I am walking around with a pack of crackers in my mouth.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Coming down of the high

WOW Will be the name I refer to the new drug I am taking. It is one word that fits. And now don't get me wrong I usually have a big problem with taking any drugs, which I am also sure after reading about the accident and all the shit that's wrong with my back you can imagine how hard it has been not to take any drugs. So because I am such a stubborn person I may have saved a little part of my liver by not taking 100 Vicodin a day. I mean I probably could take that many but it leaves my mind a little more fuzzy than I like and really it does little for the pain
I digress.
WOW and I had an intimate date last night. Because it states "It may take several weeks to pass before you feel the full benefits". I decided it would be find and that I would take it LONG before I needed to go to bed. I had some things to do I wanted to put away laundry and clean up a little bit, blog ect. ect.
So I pop the little green monster. Ok new name title LITTLE GREEN MONSTER. Its more fitting to where I am going with this.
So down little green monster goes, and within an instant (no joke) it feels like I have swallowed ALL of the sand box. Not just a few grains ALL OF THE SANDBOX.
This is weird so I chug a bottle of water.. AAAHHH thats good.
Then another...Still not quenched. I go back to re-read the side affects.
"possible side effects ........ Dry mouth..."
Another bottle of water should do it and I proceed about my errands. I turn on the TV in the bedroom ( I know Oprah and Dr. Phil would say its bad to have a TV in the bedroom, BUT REALLY what does Oprah and Dr. Phil know)
And start to put away l-a-u-n.........
I vaguely remember this but I think I was sitting on the edge of the bed now propped up on an elbow trying, completely buried under the laundry that I was trying to fold and trying to fight the effects of what was happening...
IT COULDN"T be the drugs ALREADY....
So I hear a key in the door and I am still in denial that the tiny little pill that is no bigger than the top of a pin, in denial that the Little Green Monster could be having an effect like this...
My head is all fuzzy but because I am so "tough" I fight the effects to met the hubby at the door.
He says " Hey babe how was your day?"
"Are you ok?"
"Grunt, grunt"
WHAT THE FUCK? (new phrase in high rotation)
Have I been reduced to grunts?
He seems to understand me,and I know in my head what's drooling down my face but I can not stop it nor do anything to acknowledge it.
I try to no avail to get back to the comfort of my bed, running into the wall on the way and I plop down. He has his shower and climbs in.
I try to life my head "Today is the first t-i-m-e......."
He laughs out loud kisses me head and I am off to never never land.
So 12 hours later and quite of few vivid dreams (another post) I awoke, WITH NO PAIN.
I write that in bold because it was the first night in 10 months that I slept ALL night and then woke up refreshed WITH NO PAIN.
I am quite fond of THE LITTLE GREEN MONSTER, and I think I may have a little bit of a crush.
SSHHH don't tell the hubby.
I am already looking forward to or little interlude tonight... Only 12 more hours.

Friday, January 13, 2006


So I was reading the insert that goes with my new meds. (I know your thinking "people actually read those?")
And What the f%*K!
Common uses: This medicine is used as an antidepressants to treat depression. It may also be used to treat chronic pain and other conditions as determined by your doctor.

Ok here's where the shit starts. I was prescribe this for chronic pain and help to sleep ( I only take it at night).
CAUTIONS: After you start using this medicine, several weeks may pass before you feel the full benefit.
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: SIDE EFFECTS that may occur while taking this medicine include dry mouth, drowsiness, dizziness, headache, nausea, weakness, diarrhea, excess sweating, INSOMNIA, heartburn, unpleasant taste, weight gain, increased appetite especially for sweets.

Blah blah blah basically it takes months to work and it may cause INSOMNIA???? As well as make my life hell. I already have a problem with sweets and I would certainly not want to gain a bunch of weigh. Oh and the diarrhea and heartburn WHAT FUN!!
So I see how much fun this medication will be for me. I continued to read....

So let me get this strait. If someone is depressed and you give them this antidepressants medicine then it could make them more depressed?
Pure comedy

Never a Dull moment on the ventures to Wal-mart

So I ran out today to pick-up the meds to stop the voices, and I am amazed at the shit I see at Wal-mart. So to start off in the parking lot as I am walking in I hear "beep, beep" So I shuffle along assuming someone is trying to get me out of the way. Well this was not the case. I turn around to witness a lady getting out of her car (she was blocking in another lady) to yell at at lady who had just parked. "HEY THAT WAS MY SPOT DID YOU NOT SEE MY BLINKER???"
Other lady "No I didn't. It's too bad" And she continues to get her kids out of the car. I can only envision in my own mind what went on after that but I guess it probably got nasty.
See this is not the first time I have witnessed this at Wal-mart I have been witness to this on quite a few occasions and it always confuses me!
Is a parking spot that important that it is worth an exchange words about? If these people are bitter and angry about a parking spot how bitter are they in there own lives. To curse and swear at a complete stranger with you children watching? ( these ladies did not swear but I have seen it with a lady and a mini van full of kids)You have no idea who your screaming at? Maybe they really had no idea they took "your" spot. (not usually the case but you get the picture)
It just confuses me.
So I pick up my persciption put it beside my purse in the baby thing and pick up the items that I need (this will come into play later)
There is a lady that is doing samples of Red Bull (yummy) and she's got an open case of it sitting on the floor. Well this lady comes by and takes a sample. Then I suppose she decides that it was really good and helps herself to a full one from the case. Sample lady spins around and says "hey, its samples only you can not have a full one!"
Crazy thief lady " You are not going to miss just one" and proceeds to walk away.
Anyone in earshot just stands there stunned. What could she really do?
I had to laugh out loud, sometimes things people do amuse me like crazy.
I proceed about my shopping experience and head over to the isle with the scales. The one I had has been thrown away after about 10 years. I swore it was broken and then it really broke. I was in the other day to check them out and I was trying them out to see if they work.(no I am not in denial about my weight, its just sometimes they are really not a great scale) For instance one of them said I weighed 97 pounds. YEAH RIGHT. So the scales are right next to the toy isle and there is a kid lying on the floor screaming at his dad. And when I say screaming, it was crazy screaming! Dad just walked away it was comedy. ( for those of you with children I have so much respect and admiration for your daily lives)
So I stand in line waiting to check out and the lady in front of me is putting items up to be paid for. Funny thing was every second item she was putting on the shelf in front of the cashier because she changed her mind. She ran out of room so she stacked a few things on top of the potato chips.
The cashier noticed and said "it would be easier for us if you just hand what you do not want to me, that way I can get someone to put it away".
Lady just stares at her like a deer in headlights adds a few more things to the top of the "go back" pile and proceeds to check out.
My turn, I only have a few items so I place them on the belt and walk up to the cashier, she laughs in the direction of the lady leaving and rolls her eyes.
She totals my amount and then looks at me funny?
Cashier " Would you like to put your prescription in a bag?"
Me " Oh, no thanks I'm ok"
Cashier " Are you sure it will only take a second"
Me "Oh thanks its good here in my purse"
Cashier who seems irritated this time "Umm well I am going to have to ask that you pay for your prescription then?"
Me "Huh? Oh here I thought I had paid for it at the pharmacy?"
Cashier while she examines the bag " Oh I am so sorry its just that we have people steal prescriptions all the time and I noticed there was not a receipt attached to the bag that's why I was trying to get it from you. I am sorry for thinking you were going to steal it"
We laughed. She when went on to tell me some stories about people stealing. She tells me that people will (right in front of her) Reach into the cooler, open a coke, drink the coke and when she asks for it to scan they tell her they came into the store with it. Well if they do this they have to let them go?? WHAT?
Confuses me too.
Oh and the voices think its crazy too.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

So my mom called tonight

Which is funny because I talked to her last month and we were good for at least about 5 months by my guess. Anyways it turns out that she "heard" that I may have problems with my liver. Which is confirmation that my baby sister reads my blog. Thats fine but I am a little upset she never emails me anymore. Sniff sniff. I send her these awesome ass care pakages and no emails. Not even a hello on the phone. Sniff sniff.
It really breaks my heart. Sniff sniff
Just kidding. I am pissed about her failing to mention to me that her "boyfriend" and her are living with each other! WHAT??? I was acting surprise (did you get that)
Anyways so my mom told me and I said WHAT???
And then my mother so kindley reminded me that Norm and I started living together when I was 17 soooo ... My sis is 18 soon to be 19 so I guess I should not really be surprised.
I need to plan a trip home soon. Maybe to take her out for her 19. Wow I can imagine what that would he like. Oh my liver just shot me a pain.

The hampster will not stop

So I suppose I should scale down and update once a day which I have been told is proper blog etiquette?
I am not normal and the hampster just keeps going on going.
Random Rant- WHAT IS WRONG WITH BIG BROTHER? BIG SISTER? (if you work there or know someone who does please help)
I called them before and emailed all my info paid my 25$ for the background check to become a Big Sister. I feel that I have all this time on my hands that I could do something good with it. Maybe influence a life. Be a companion/ trusted adult in a child's life. But because I am a Canadian Citizen they will not let me??
Does this make sense? I am in the US Legally.
I have no criminal background the FBI has my finger prints ( part of the immigration process to get a green card)
The US let me be here and you know they did there homework.
But because I am not a US citizen I can not be a big sister??
What am I going to do? Brain wash the child with my Canadian ways?
How does that work. So I called to get clarification. The lady was really nice and told me that "This seems strange let me look into this"
Do they assume because I have not children of my own that I am a threat?
I think its weird. We will see what she says about it.
Oh and I called The Red Cross (they let all the crazy people volunteer) and I may be getting sent out next week somewhere to help.

Nail Polish

Your Nail Polish Color is Pink

How you're unique: You're girly without being high maintenance

Why your style rocks: You're the perfect blend of stylish, preppy, and cute

What this color says about you: "I am secure enough not to follow every trend"

This was cute. And it fits. I am a very pink girl

Breaking up is hard to do!

Dear Friend,
I call you friend because you have been around for a long time. You have been a great "asset" to me and I enjoy your company. However I think you have worn out your welcome. At first we had no problems and I really can not pin point when all the problems started but lately you have been on my last nerve. You make it almost impossible for me to do anything without thinking of you. You may call it jealously because you get a lot of attention that can be considered good, and well the attention that I am not really sure about. I will be sad to see you go but I have had it with you.
This is an official break up. Please collect all you things and be gone. I know you are going to make this very hard for me to do. And you will be a PAIN. But its time.
Out with the old in with the small.
Goodbye ASS
PS. If on you way out you could talk to your friends Thunder, and Thighs you can take them with you because misery loves company. I have put a lot of thought into this so just try to fight me ( I know you will)
Goodbye Friends

Finally a sigh of relief- Actually two

So those of you who have been following the nightmare that I call "Freak Accidents at work" Today was a relief so to speak.
Today was the first day I went to a doctors appointment that I did not ball my eyes out on the way home. Every time I leave the doctors office I have a nervous breakdown and anxiety attack. Why? Well there are a few reasons.
** some back information if you were not a livejournal reader***
I had the best job in the world. It was fun. It paid very well. I loved going to work everyday. I worked with some great people (some are still great friends)
Well I got the opportunity to work at a brand new store (I was in management of coarse) so needless to say I jumped at the chance. A new team, new minds to mold and a brand new shiny store I was so excited. In my time with the company this would be my 6th store but I was up for the challenge. ( I will not tell you "where/who" the company was because, well I am just not going to go there. I still believe they are a fantastic company to work for and it makes me really upset that I will not be able to continue with the company)
Anyways March 11th was a day of hell for me. The store had now been open for about 6 months. It was beautiful, the team was falling into place (all the molding of a great manager of coarse *wink*wink*)
Well when I got to work the power was out. (I should have known something was really wrong) It was out on the whole block so I called our district manager to advise of the situation. It had already been 3 hours of the power outage and I was wondering how long before we just closed for the day I had 3 employees in the store and we were all getting paid to sit around. Me and the supervisor that was on decided everyone would go home but me and 1 other person. (not safe to be alone)
So after 3 more hours we were about to just lock up for the day ( all the other companies were long gone) And Poof the power was back on.
We cleaned up and we were ready for business.
I went to sit in the back room to call my husband to tell him how upset I was that I actually had to do some work today.
I heard a crack over my head and then I was buried under about 100 pounds of crap.
Computer equipment, all the store manuals, printer paper, I screamed into the phone and tried to get myself out. One of the police officers passing by heard the commotion and came back to help. After diggin me out he insisted I go by ambulance to the hospital. I refused because I was the only one with keys in the store and I could not "just leave" I was bleeding and well dizzy like crazy but I insisted on waiting for "backup"
Soon after backup arrived and also my hubby (smoke coming from his ears and everything) HE WAS PISSED "HOW THE HELL DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN??"
I spent 14 hours in the hospital strapped to a body board with a very fashionable neck brace. My back was killing me and something was REALLY wrong.
They did x-rays filled me full of drugs and sent me home.
As far as they could tell nothing was broken I only had a concussion ( which lasted 2 weeks but that's another story)
So I started the long crazy system we call the Workmans Comp system.
For months all the doctors told me all I did was pull a muscle and there was nothing wrong.
"Here take this Vicodin, Valium and muscle relaxers and you should feel better there is really nothing seriously wrong"
Month 2
"Here take this Vicodin, Valium and muscle relaxers and you should feel better there is really nothing seriously wrong"
Month 3
"Here take this Vicodin, Valium and muscle relaxers and you should feel better there is really nothing seriously wrong"
Month 4
"Here take this Vicodin, Valium and muscle relaxers and you should feel better there is really nothing seriously wrong"

Well you get the picture.. So it took 8 months before anyone said "Geez your back is really messed up what took you so long to get to see me?"
He was a chiropractor and I had gotten so sick of the "There is nothing wrong speech" that I did my own homework and research. I asked my primary care, well just call him Dr. D ( For dumb) I said " What about a Chiropractor they seem to specialist in soft tissue and bones"
Dr. D " Hey that's a good idea"
And then I waited a month for the insurance to approve it.
So when I got to the Chiropractor he had one look at me and showed me all the scar tissue build up, he went over my x-rays showing obvious trauma.
I was sad but it did not work to ease the pain. I say sad because he seemed to be the only one who believed me. But because it "did not work to ease the pain or fix it" I could no longer get treatments.

So here we are 10 months later I have been to see the "Last Dr." hes the one who has all the say about my future treatments. They call him an AME which is an Agreed Medical Evaluator so all the Lawyers, the insurance and my treating Dr. all agreed that what ever he says goes. He says how much I am damaged ect.

Well the sigh of relief was with Dr. D today, for the last 10 months he says it must just be a pulled muscle but of coarse this is not the case, I have a disc that is protruding, a pulled ligament in 3 different places (if I read the report right) and something wrong with my neck and all my L disks (lower back). He said after reviewing the report of the AME that I am permanet and I only see him about every 6 months. I can go in a pick up my drugs and follow up with him for blood work ( the AME insisted on blood work for all the drugs I am using)
So relief (sort of I guess)
No more hearing "your fine its only a pulled muscle"

The second relief?
My hubby can not get into the military till his done school.
This give me 3 months of not worrying.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

My friends are a bunch of asses

They never write, they never call
***opps wrong blog**
I amuse myself sometimes.

This post is for Shan

*** a little back story** My dear sweet baby cousin has a blog on Livejournal. She made a post that she claims "burned her" It was just a vent that was taken for more than what it was, some people thought it was about them (it was not but some how some of it applied) she's no longer wants to blog.
My advice? Start a new blog. One that you tell no one about. Its just for you. You can say what you want, about who you want. You do not need to "sensor" it in fears that it may offend someone.
I love to blog. Its an outlet for me. Yeah sure I sent the links to everyone that is close to me in my life but I still do not feel that I need to sensor it. People who know me love me and that's all I need. The others who drop in and read, I think that's cool too. I had a friend tell me she moved her blog because there was "no more ambiguity" people were reading it that she really did not want too.
I love knowing whats going on in your life. Your random musings (like how I worked that in)
I would not even request your address. Hell I have so many blogs I read now anyways. I think I may pick up a book about the 12 step program.
I Digress
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

The situation is a shitty one. You guys need to talk. People need to vent sometimes and friends have falling outs. If I could tell you of all the times that Sal told me to fuck off I was being stupid? (I got pissed cause she was "kissing" my man *wink*wink*) Sometimes you just need time away (you know what I mean) Serious though.
Fuck her for now. Have some space. Come visit me....I thought I would sneak that in

And another quote
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Maybe I should have emailed you this.
No your part of my life so I blogged you at least I know for sure that you will read this.

And the final doctor says..

I am 5% totally disabled? He explained the pain is chronic (duh?) and if over time (longer than the 10 months its been already)it does not get better then I may need surgery. And funny enough all the pain is right near my bra strap however its all coming from my neck? Weird I thought my back was messed up. Well it really is. So now I wait till the lawyer calls...Again.
We have found our dream home. On the way back from San Diego we stopped at some new homes being built. The next phase goes on sale in Feb so fingers crossed. We would need a small miracle but it could happen. Only $450,000.00.

I worry too much

I worry about everything. I lay in bed worrying about everyone. I do not worry about what people think so much as I worry about people in general. Are they Ok, are they safe? Will they ever find love? Will they ever be happy? I think of random things all the time. I think about the world and how messed up it is. I worry about all the American soldiers that are in Iraq at this moment. Away from there friends and family fighting for their country. I worry about Craig wanting to be one of the soldiers. I worry about my family. I worry about my friends. I worry about kids growing up in this messed up world!
I think this is all being brought on by the meeting with the recruiter tomorrow, well actually later today.
A year is a long time to be away from my heart, my love, my soul.
Another sleepless night.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Why are people so fake?

The news pisses me off. It really does some times. There was a lady on there tonight crying because of a landslide that happened a year ago. Did she know anyone? No she did not. Did she know someone who knew someone? No. She was driving by and noticed traffic so she stopped to see what the fuss was about. She said she was crying because a dog died???? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Did you know the dog?" No I just heard a dog had died and it made me sad."
News person " Did you know that 10 people died here last year"
Crying Lady (with no emotion at all) "Oh, I did not know that"
Why would you put that on the news? Where do they find these friggin people?
Its horrible this happened, 10 people were dead and there were families paying respects by lying lais in the ocean in memory but you chose to interview a lady that "was passing by?"

I am such a big kid

Funny story, someone came to the door today and I opened it with a big smile on my face and my full footy PJ's. Yes I am an adult, but my full footy PJ's are so great for lounging around and I am not embarrassed by them. The boy laughed at me and gave me a one over, he gave me a high five for the footy PJ's. He was selling magazines. I may have been embarrassed had I gone to the door with my woobie.

I have figured it out

I think I was a photographer in my past life, I am fascinated with pictures, lighting shapes I love to look at photography sites. I can stare at some pictures for hours. Also I may have done something with animals? I love the discovery channel. I could and I have watched the channel all day. Its amazing what you can learn. Our world is so fascinating.
This is one picture that I found and I love.
For some reason it reminds me of Sal and Sara?

My Birthday

Your Birthdate: October 1

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.
You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.
Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details.

Your strength: Your supreme genius

Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity

Your power color: Gold

Your power symbol: Star

Your power month: January

The best milkshake ever

All the talk about sex made me a little hot so I made a milkshake to cool down. Vanilla icecream and orange juice. So yummy. Nothing on TV tonight ..yet.. I find it weird that Dr. Phil comes on at 7pm. He does 2 shows a day now. Hes worse than Oprah. This one is good though. He's telling women about themselves. These women are cute, single and can not figure out why they are not married. It's comedy really. They did "secret dates" and one women tells her date 5 minutes after meeting him. " My husband left me, My boyfriend left me, and for some reason I can not figure out why people do not like me"
Are you that stupid.
I could never date again. I would never want to I really do not think I have the patients or skills to do that again. I hope that all my single friends get married soon. Actually I should first hope they get into "great" relationships with fantastic men. I love weddings. I think partly because I have already been through it and other than mishaps with my mother things were great.

All about my sex life

I did a little thinking yesterday and decided I will spill all my sex history in my blog. I feel a little naughty doing it but I really do not care.
If you do not like it do not read it. This is my blog and I can write what I want
I promise not to make it too graphic but it will be VERY honest.
So I guess the only way to do this is start from the beginning.
The first boy I ever loved and I thought I was going to marry was Rock Picknel I was 14 and he was the boy for me. He was such a hottie. See how I met him was fun. His dad and my dad bought a business together a restaurant and we used to wash dishes together. Romantic I know, we were young, he was the first boy I kissed and I swear it was love, he was the first boy that I cried over, and when I say cry I sobbed. I told my mom that I wanted to die if he did not love me. My mother so coyly laughed out loud and told me " There will be a million more heartbreaks in your life before you get married, each of these heartbreaks will teach you a lesson"
Wow if I knew then what I know now. So I had all through elementary school had a crush on a boy named Corey. He was the first boy who actually took me on a date. Actually not even really a date more to a school function. He took me to the end of the year formal. I remember wearing his jacket in the school yard thinking about how cool it was and how all the other girls must have been jealous of me, all summer we used to get sneak out to talk. Nothing ever happened we never even kissed, I wanted him to kiss me but he never did. I wonder why?.
So then I went to High School, everyone was having sex in High School. Everyone except for me. Its weird my mother was always worried I would end up pregnant by the time I was 15. She never wanted me to go down the path she did (My oldest brother Frankie was conceived when my mom was 15, I still can not imagine the strength it would have taken to have a child when you are still a child yourself, those were for sure different times)
So I was the only one not having sex I dated a few boys here and there, and then I dated a jock, his name was Cole Fieldstein we dated for a few months things got really serious ( I had moved out by this time) we used to make out in his basement all the time and dry hump ( I can not believe I just wrote that) but his sister was always there and I was scared to death of her she was really scary and was always checking up on us, so we never "really" fooled around, not for the lack of trying though if it was up to him we would have had sex everyday. Then one day he asked me to skip class and no one was home. IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, I was sure of it he was going to feel my boobies under my shirt. I was a bit of a square and all the pressure of everyone around me having sex I chickened out.. Then he cheated on my with a girl named Shannon she got naked with him the first time she met him. ( I think its funny how I remember things like her name) I stood my ground and like the 15 year old I was I told anyone who would listen that "he has performance issues and has no idea how to please a women" I had no idea what this meant I think I saw it in a movie, but because we were all so inexperienced with sex at this age and "what women really want" it went over well. Years later I ran into him at the mall. He was married and had 2 kids already.
So we move on. Jen and I both got permission to go to SUPER EX without supervision, this was the thing to do when you were 15 years old. Her dad dropped us off and we stayed all day. We found some interesting boys that we thought we cute so we followed them around. Then we talked to them. They were older than us by 2 years, but we both thought they were cute. Jen told her dad she was at my house and we walked home with them. Jean-Marc was the one Jen liked, I had a crush on Jonathan. Jean-Marc was old enough to drive so he drove us home, or his mom did I can not remember really but we both got phone numbers and felt so accomplished from meeting older boys. Jen and Jean-Marc started dating and me and Jonathan started dating. It turned out Jonathan and I were both Virgins. This was Ok with me because we both had little to no experience with the whole sex situation. From what I remember Jen and Jean-Marc immediately had sex so I was again left with the situation that I was the only one not having sex. Because we both had no idea what to expect we only explored each other for about the first year (yes I was still a square) we fooled around and saw each other naked. Jonathan was a lot of firsts for me. It was fun to explore each other in the fumbling way 2 virgins would. It was when I was dating him and we had a hot session of fingers and feeling that I actually explored myself. I discovered masturbation. I never told him about it but with all the emotions and feelings I was having I needed to explore this option. It felt dirty but good at the same time. We watched a porn together one time and this was the first time someone went down on me. At first I was scared (maybe it was his braces) it took about 10 tries to get it right, I almost never let him ever do it again after the first time because it was so frustrating for me and scary and the fact that I had no idea what to expect, funny thing was that right before I would orgasm I would make him stop because I was insure of what I was feeling. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!
Our first time was a fumbling mess. It was around Christmas and we were at my moms I had bought him glow in the dark boxers and I had a lock on my door so we decided it was time. We had just had a heavy petting session and we were both ready it had been over a year of heavy petting and fooling around that things sort of just progressed. We had bought condoms months earlier just in case the need arouse and we had talked having sex to death. When should we do it, how should it be? No lights and lots of candles.
After trying 3 condoms because we thought it would be so good the first time to do it in the dark with candles so it was romantic we could not see anything, I think it was on upside down the first time and then we tried another, I was too scared to touch the dam thing and then it broke. It was up to me to get the condom on and well lets just say he got a little excited and well it never happened.
A few days later we finally did it, to be honest I was a little disappointed, I was waiting for the earth to move and it never did. We got better over time but nothing really earth shattering. We dated for almost 2 years and then I broke up with him. He was a nice guy but it was too much. He stalked me for about 4 months, it was bad really he got arrested 2 times while stalking me it was so scary. My mom said he was the kind of guy who would shot me if I dated anyone else. This was the same time that lady was killed on her front lawn with a bow and arrow from he estranged boyfriend.
I digress.
Oh and then came the fake Id and Boomerang. Jen and Jean-Marc were still dating so I was hanging around with them a lot. My mom helped us laminate our fake student its so we could go to Hull. I met Norm through Jen and Jean-Marc.
The first time I saw him I had a crush. He was very good looking and of coarse he was older than me. He was fun, one of the first memories I have of him was slow dancing at Boomerang. He was the type of guy who held you tight while you danced. I was smitten. The thing that really made me fall for him was Jen and I thought we would be so cool and get up and dance in the cage that was extended from the top of the stage at the bar, well when we were done we came down and Jean-Marc was furious with her. Asking why she wanted all the men looking at her "acting like a slut" Then he hit her, Norm lundged at him and nailed him in the jaw. He fell to the ground BIG MAC who was one of the door men (we were friends with most of the doormen) came over and grabbed Norm and was dragging him out, I stopped him and instead he grabbed Jean-Marc and took him to a back room. I had only heard what happened "In the back room" and I was scared to death about it. We never saw Jean-Marc again that night. Jenny still dated him for awhile. Me and Norm started to date
Things were good at first we had a lot of fun together, he was also a lot of firsts for me. The first person I truly feel in love with, the first person I lived with, the first man to take me on a vacation. The sex was different because I really cared about him, he was gentle and very patient with me. It's weird for me all these years later thinking about sex with exec is strange. To be totally honest I think I had way too much caught up in the emotions of our relationship then in our sex life. I know we had sex and when we first started dating we had it often but nothing really sticks out in my head. He never put too much pressure on the situation of sex, we were in a really serious relationship. When we started to live and work together things changed. The sex stopped. We even went on vacation and if I remember correctly we had sex 1 time in a week. And it was an open bar vacation spot (things were falling apart by this time anyways) But 2 young people on vacation together who are supposed to be madly in love and no sex? It was too much for both of us. Neither of us knew how to handle the situation. (see previous post)
I was not single for very long. Lug and I started to date as soon as I moved out of the house that Norm and I shared. I was scared of getting involved again and Lug and I never had sex. He told everyone we did, it never happened. It never happened because I was sleeping with his best friend Carlos, we kept it a secret. Crazy I know, I was attracted to both of them but Carlos was more aggressive and that was a big turn on for me. He was also seemed very experienced to me and it was all new to me. He was not a big guy per say but he certainly made up for that in bed. We never really dated and it was a mutual agreement with both of us. It was always safe. Years later I introduced him to my roommate and last that I knew they were still dating. That was years ago (the roommate and Carlos)
I dated a few more interesting people along the way, I met this guy named Andrew he was fun he was a big guy and no I do not mean cock he was about 6'3 250 pounds he was funny and we always had a blast together. He broke up with me cause I had issues, lots of them but that's another story.
I met Dom at a keg party, actually the keg party was at his house, I had way too much to drink and ended up in bed with him. No sex we just shared the same bed, I thought he was a gentleman, we dated for a bit after that. Nothing really to report about that. We had sex a few I had completely forgot about him but my mom reminded me. He was a mamma's boy in a bad way and hockey was more important to him than I ever could be.
Jimmy (I laugh as I write that) he had penis problems, I feel bad writing that but he did, we met through friends and would have had sex had he not had issues with his penis. He could not get it up. It was weird for me because I had not ever come across that or even heard about it, I thought it was me at first I got over it. I was upset at first he could not get it hard. He could cum with a blow job but it was still too soft to ever have sex, I was patient at first, he even bought be a dildo as if that would make it better. I had needs I was in my sexual prime I broke up with him it was the second time I saw a boy cry ( Jonathan was the first and he cried a lot). He was a nice guy and I ran into him years later. I told him I was getting married and he said that he was too. Aparentley his penis works for other people and just did not like me. I felt bad and shallow yeah it probably was not fair to dump him because his cock did not work but it gave me a complex, I always felt like it was my fault. I have never had penis issues with anyone else so I know it was not me. It took me awhile to convoke me of that.
So now I am 19 and perusing the bars. I had found this one guy I thought was hot one night and I was going to have him. I had drank way too much that night and so did Kristie I opted to bring this boy home and she was not happy about it. We all got into a cab together and she made sure she sat in the middle of us, I have no idea what his name was, Kristie reached over me to puke out the door in the cab, in the process she smacked my face and it started to bleed, the boy was not deterred, I was bleeding and covered in Kristies puke and he was still up for the romp. Any boy that desperate was not worth my time. I sent him home in a cab.
I ran into someone in a bar one night that I had always wanted. He dated one of my best friends all through high school, we spent a lot of time together in high school because he was dating my best friend, he was sexy as hell, hot body and he was a life guard uummm. We bumped into each other and we were both single we were both horny and we started to talk about what sex would be like if we ever had it. We drank a few never touching each other not even sitting closer to each other. The sexual tension was INSANE!. I whispered in his ear that he was coming home with me and walked to the coat check to get my jacket. It was mad sex. Some of the best I had ever had. If was so animal (safe of coarse) we never even touched till we were behind closed doors. The noises that must have come from that room. We broke the bed. He was my only one night stand. It was amazing and I have no regrets. I still get goose bumps talking about it....
Jonathan and I ran into each other a few times in the bar. We had sex again and it was fun. We both had more experience and it was different. Casual sex with a friend that you never really had to worry about( safe of coarse) If I remember correctly Phil watched us one of the times. It was interesting. Its still something I think is really hot. Watching or being watched?
Maybe that's why I love porn. Ask anyone I have a great collection. I have not added to it in a few years. (hum that gives me an idea) But I have always enjoyed it.
mostly girl on girl, I find it very sensual, I love the way a women's body looks naked, I think women are beautiful ( that will be another post), heteral sexual porn is ok too but to get me really hot its gotta be girl on girl, actually any porn will do it for me.
One of the best moments I remember was actually seeing girl on girl action live. It was drunk and scandalous and they were both super hot ladies. It was so free and both parties equally enjoyed themselves. It was hot to watch, its even hot to write about all these years later. It was very in the moment and spontaneous.
I think that is when sex is best. Hot and in the moment. Some of the best sex memories I have are about when sex never happened. It should have but some how got lost in translation. There was one time in a bathroom at a bar, it was very carnal and was a hot "almost" sex moment. One other time I remember and I think she will too as I just wrote about watching her was a time when we were both naked in my bed getting a massage. I wonder what sex would have been like with her, sometimes I still do. So after all this craziness
I went almost a year and a half without sex. I dated a few people Tom ( What was I thinking?) My boobs ended up on the internet. They are probably still there. See Tom was a photographer and I let him do nudes. Only a few people have seen them, when I dumped him cause he was in love with me and wanted to have sex ( did I mention he weighed 300 pounds) We went our separate ways. I am sure my nudes are posted somewhere. He still to this day will not talk to me. Lol
So no sex
Crazy now that I think about it. It was a choice I made for myself. Yes sex was fun but I found there was so much pressure put on it and it was really no big deal. I went 19 months don't get me wrong again everyone around me was having sex ( I got to watch/hear some of this (come back in 5 minutes))I was living vicariously through them. And then it happened I fell and I fell hard
Sal introduced us. She talked him up on the way to the hotel to pick the "boys" up to head out to the bar. He had just cut himself shaving and was joking around about it. He had me laughing like crazy and I was hot for him. A girl had called the hotel looking for him because she was going to met him at the bar. I told him to tell her I was his girlfriend and last weekend was a mistake. ( Did I mention I was straddling him on a chair at this point about 10 minutes after meeting him) I still remember what I was wearing that night. Funny how things work out. So Adam went on to tell him that I had gone 1 1/2 years without sex and then began the game. He wanted to say he was the "first" we started to date a little bit after this. I fell hard for him but for some reason I made him wait. And I am not talking 2-3 dates I made him wait 5 months! He got a lot of play and there was a tonne of sexual tension between us. I still do not know why I made him wait. I think its weird to this day. He was a nice guy but we both had our issues. 2 people stubborn as hell unsure of where this relationship is going.
It was worth the wait. The first time we had sex was in a bunk bed in the barracks. It was time and everyone in the building knew about it. Right after he got up and went out to the hall to get his high fives from the 30 people waiting at the door. The next time was a lot more tender. It was the first time I had a orgasm during sex and we climaxed together, the first few times we had sex it was really emotional for me and sometimes when we had to be away from each other for long periods of time I would cry after sex. He took away all my worries. One example I have of that was I (like all women) worry about what men think when we are naked (stupid I know) But one time after sex I grabbed all the blankets when he got up to hide my body. He took one look at me and realized what I had just done and took all the blankets. He made me lay there naked as the day I was born and told me I was stupid. He loves my body and we have a hot sex life. I love that he knows how to push my buttons and I know how to push his.
If I had known that I would have never made him wait. He was the first guy I could really let myself go with. He was the only person I could ask for what I wanted in bed and he happily obliged. I still cry sometimes after sex. It may sound strange but sometimes I feel so in touch with my body when its next to his it feels like my soul has met its equal. We have fun with sex I find it hard not to. We have some funny things that have happened to us while having sex. Earlier I mention I had a roommate for some time, well one night we all went out (to Atomic) and we came back in the wee hours of the morning and had loud, mirror shattering sex. It started in the bedroom then into the hallway ( I had left my roommate at the bar so we were alone) against the wall in the hallway, on to the shower, on the side of the bathtub (ripped the shower curtain clear off the shower) on the bathroom floor, back into the hallway dripping wet from the shower and no towels on the floor in the hallway then passing out in bed.
We awoke the next morning to my roommates parents (who had spent the night in the living room) We both snuck out as quickly as we could. And you know there was no way they were not awake for the whole deal. The neightbours knocked on the wall you know her parents heard everything!!!
We have broken a few couches in our time, including the one we now own. I have permanent scars on my body from some mishaps with the "Ash can"
He told me that if I was writing about sex I had to be honest. I have nothing to lie about,nor would I care to lie. I do not care what people think or what opions they may have. I think there may be someone that I forgot somewhere but at this time I can not remember my mind has chosen to omit it. If I think of more at a later date I will make sure to update. Some people think sex before marriage is taboo, I think each encounter has made me a better lover. And Vice Versa. If I had not had the experiences I have had in my life I would not know how to please my man. I would have never learned how to give lets see how he puts it give a " Toe Curling" blow job. I would not know my own body and how it works and what I like. ( I keep adding to that list) I will not give you too many details because those are all for us. I think sex is great when love is involved. I also think its great even if your not in love.
Sex is sex, take it for what it is. Enjoy yourself. Do not take life to serious. (unless your my baby sister reading this and none of that applies) Just kidding.
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