Sunday, March 19, 2006

My uterus is kicking my ass..

And its taking no prisoners.
Ok so I have been lucky so far. I did not get my period till I was 16. Yes I was a "late bloomer" but that's due to the 9 years competitive gymnastics and the 13 years of ballet.

I have never gotten an cramp in my life.... TILL JANUARY OF THIS YEAR.

See my period is really regular it always has been (and why I feel the need to tell all you guys this I have no idea, I seem to have no sense of "too much information")

Ok so my period, I get it for about 1-2 days. Yes I wrote that correctly. I have been lucky, 1-2 days and NO cramps what's so ever for the last 12 years. I have been so lucky that I barley even notice the event at all.

And then January hits ** cue suspense music**

OMG I am being paid back for all the years I have not experiences cramps or PMS, so I think there is something REALLY wrong cause all a sudden I am getting my ass kicked and I am keeled over in pain and dealing with my period for 5-6 days on end.

I book an appointment with my family doctor for my "yearly" physical.

I explain my situation to her because I feel there has to be something EXTREMELY wrong.

Her "So your 28, you've been married almost 3 years and never had a pregnancy?"
Me "yes"
Her (with a big grin on her face) "Darling, your body is telling you to have a baby, it is very natural for your body to react this way, you are nearing 30 (I thank her for pointing that out in my least snarky way possible) its your body's way of telling you its ready"
Me "But I am not ready!"
Her laughing this time " That's fine you are not ready, you body is just preparing for the likelihood of child birth"
Me " Is there anyway to stop this??? The pain and suffering I mean?" (serious I asked he this question cause the cramps are SO bad)
Her she's laughing this time " Are you having sex?"
Me "Of coarse, maybe a few times a week"
Her "Well that explains it then!"

We laugh a little (her at my expense) and I walk away with the feeling that everyone month I am going to have this evil imp reminding me that in fact I have not had a child and my body is ready.

And then the ever lingering question.

Will I have children?

I mean I always thought I would. If you asked me when I was younger what I wanted to be when I grew up, everyone else in class wanted to be Police men, and ballerinas, I always told everyone I wanted to be a mother (true story even when I was 8 I told people this)
But as I get older and I see the condition the world is in I hesitate to take that risk.
I come from a family of 5 kids so needless to say if I have one child I would need to have 2, but the more I think about it and all my aliments I fear I will not be able to have a child.
Maybe this is why I hesitate?
I have been told by 4 doctors now, 2 from when I was younger and 2 just recently that the chances that my body could even carry a child to term is "unlikely".
This makes me sad. I have cried a few times about this. I know I can get "another" opinion if I wanted to and I am sure some doctor somewhere would tell me its fine to "try" to have a baby but would it really be? (a long story I am working up too telling to all my random internet friends)
My husbands response to this (as we have had many discussions about this) is
"Babe, when it comes to that time and we cross that path then you can worry about it. Until then you have to leave things to faith that if it were to happen, there are powers at work that you have no control over. If we are meant to be parents, then we will be, and if we were not ever meant to be parents then we never will be"

3 comments:

Anne said...

This was a really sad post to me. I have always wanted to be a mom too. And now that I am faced with it probaly not being a possibility it breaks my heart. I hope those doctors are completely wrong about you..besides..how could they really know that..if your body is telling you that its time maybe it is also saying that it is willing and able...(when the time is right anyway)

T-girl said...

OK, we are a lot a like! I also was a competive gymnast! LOL BUT... I had the same thing with my period, then one day BAM, was like a freight train hit me, I was at work trying to check something out and kind of clutched over. I went to the doc, he said, "oh you just have a sensitive uterus since I had a Pap a few days before!" OK, no biggie right? So they just keep going on for about a year, I go to a new OB/GYN HE does some lab work ect and says, "you have endometriosis!" So fast forward a few years, I am going through a physical. The Doc who is checking me happens to be a civilian (I was in the military) and the doctor who did all the endometriosis studies in the 70's! HE tells me I am infertial and WON'T have kids because the first moron did not treat me when he should have! BAM, I am SO distraught! I say F this who needs to take all these drugs anyway and stop all the supression treatments that are all hormonal anyway and making me wacky, I mean I can't have kids anyway right so I will just take some painpills every month! Fast forward 6 months! I am like, wait a minute.. I feel cramps like my period is going to start BUT... no period! I NOW have an 11 month old daughter!!!! The point of all this being...
1.get a second opinion because that is an odd assesment of why you suddenly have cramps (not saying it isn't that but you might want to make sure)
2. don't sweat if you are not ready it is ok when you are ready you will know... kinda! LOL
3. With the advancements in medicine these days go with the doc who said you could try! When the time comes talk to a doc who specializes in high risk pregnancies. I had a girlfriend that was told she would NEVER have a child because of a problem with her cervix (basically the baby would "fall out" in a nutshell. LOL) She currently has 3! She would be on bedrest most of her pregnancies but they are all healthy and happy little boys!!!! I also have a girlfriend who was hit by a car as a teenager and her pelvis was crushed.. she has two and they told her she would NEVER be able to carry to term and if by some miricle she did the baby would die because the way her pelvis was it would smoosh it!

Anne- I have no idea why you can not have babies but don't give up hope! It sounds like you kind of have it still, keep it! One of my gf just found out on Friday that after four months of invitro last fall with absolutly NO success she is now pregnant! Funnily enough she got pregnant the month after her invitro ended and had NO idea, so she is going to have a little bean in a few months! LOL

Sorry I went on a tangent, I like to do that! LOL I just hate to see anyone feel like I did and it was all for not!!! Doctors are not infalliable and if you don't like what one says then see another becuase they may know something the other didn't or know of someone who does! :)

OK, strange girl getting of her soapbox now! LOL I wish you both the best of luck... I am more then happy to let you borrow mine if you want, although you may NEVER want to have kids then, she is a holy terror! LOL

Salinna said...

see told ya sista! you guys are going to have babies and that is the end of it! S

 
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