Oh how I love you

You poor thing.
You have been through a lot.
Really please do not think it has gone unnoticed. You have been a trusted sturdy well adjusted piece of furniture. You never complained once, not even when I took you as my own 14 years ago. You have been moved many times and have seen MANY a drama from my days. You even let me move you to UCKY California. Also because you were so strategically placed beside your good friend "The Mattress" many a night you have been witness to some things.. well lets just not get into that but I am pretty sure, no actually I am POSITIVE you have seen everyone and the moon have sex on my bed.
Eww gross I know, but I am a good friend like that I have always lived alone and my friends have not always so when someone can get laid (no names Harriette, Sara, Sal) who am I to say no?
Ok back to the trusty dresser.
I heard a crack then I heard the hubby curse and it seems you are FINALLY on your last straws. I have loved you like you will never know, you even let me paint you black cause you used to be REALLY ugly (no offense we fixed that) and now you are all black and shinning and I understand that you do no owe anyone anything else.
I will request at this time that you hang on for a few more months. Just till we move out of the country and then I will happily retire you. I may also dedicate a page to you in a scrap book because you did put up quite a fight, and somehow you managed to sneak into A LOT Of pictures I have.
I hope to give you away to someone who will show you lots of love and maybe you will live ANOTHER 14 years.
And if not its been a good run and you have had a GREAT life.
I wonder how I got So attached to you….

Yeah I am a bit crazy