So I have been feeling really blue the last few weeks.
Why?
Well I have been doing a lot of thinking about life in general.
I need to set goals for myself. It's been awhile since I have been really motivated to do something. And when I say something I mean, something for myself.
Something to make myself feel good.
Now don't get me wrong I have a great marriage a "good" job and in life in that respect things are good.
I think its important to have goals for yourself.
Its weird how I have been thinking lately, I want to go back to school, I have been given the money to go back to school. Have a registered?
Nope. And this is for a few reasons.
What if I fail (being the biggest reason) What if I start it and think "What the hell am I doing?"
See its easy to say "What's her problem" so I will explain it too you.
If I get a degree lets just say Business Management. For me to start off in that field I would be making less money than I am right now.
Sucks right? A degree that I would probably not use. What's the sense?
Then I think. Do I want to be 30 with no "extra" schooling?
So far in my life I have been fortunate to not ever have to worry about it. Do I want to join that monkey race?
And then there is the fact that we can not have kids. Shouldn't I be making myself better? Giving more to society? Giving more of myself
I am a confused girl.
But I am going to start to focus on myself. I need to get myself back into shape. I want to run a marathon. I always have. The LA marathon is a year away I figure if I can start training now and "working with the back issues" I should be able to pull it off.
AHHH I am so sad. And frustrated. I almost wish there would be a lightning bolt that will strike me in the head and then "POOF" I will know my path in life.
I can hope I guess
6 comments:
Dont hold your breath for that lightning bolt..I have been waiting for one myself. I am in a similar situation. I really really want to go back to school...because I really enjoyed it and I dont like being a non-college grad. But if I was to go back..start over..I would take a major paycut. But with all my recent stuff I have had going on I am thinking more and more about it. I mean..why wait anylonger if you know that you want to do it?
Dont be sad.. *hugs*
I am in the same boat. I think that people need acplishments to feel self-worth. I have a motivation problem nd therefore don't have alot of acomplishments under my belt. I too want desperatly to start an exercise regime but just can't seem to. I need a personal trainer to make me do it. I didn't know that you couldn't have kids. I am sorry about that.
what!? I thought you were on the path to pretty lest we see your nude arse. were those not your words? paraphrased of course.
damn woman. you just want to be naked on your blog. I knew it!
I've got a few thoughts...
To have never tried is already failure...so, I'd try to go back to school if that is what you really want. I think obtaining a degree of some sort may give you a bit of an ego boost, it does for most people.
As for kids, I really hope you can rectify that situation and be able to have at least one. That's what you really want and can't have right now. I don't want to act like I am a know it all or intrude, but have you talked about adoption? I know if I was in your situation, I'd want a child that I gave birth to more than anything, but I'd be open to adoption...strange things happen when you adopt...like all the sudden after you have the kid in your house, you get pregnant or maybe in your case your health will improve?...children cure a lot of things like that.
As for the LA marathon, that is a great goal...I've always wanted to participate too, but I've got a fear of dropping dead from running that distance. I guess we have all got our fears, huh?
Aristo-
Thanks for the honesty.
I am not really "worried" at this moment about children.
We are not there yet in our lives. (I guess the world works in wierd
ways) I have always wanted children but I have known since I was 15 that
it would not be possible to give birth to a child.
I have considered adoption and its such a HUGE undertaking, and I
believe when the hubby and I are where we need to be in our own lives (we
are moving over seas in 6 months) we will know its time to persue
children.
Who knows maybe I will bring a baby back from China, I would never say
never about kids.
And the whole school thing I have no interest in going back, I just
feel like I should.
Does that make sense?
Weird huh?
Yeah, I know what you mean by feeling like you should go back to school. Mikey feels that way a lot of the times. But, I guess you just have to get to that point where, if you don't go to school it will be a hindrance for you in order to want to go. If you know what I mean.
However, an alternative thought, if you don't want to go to school or don't have the motivation to, you would probably be setting yourself up for disaster if you did go.
If I was in your situation and felt like I had to go, I'd look into some type of fun class to get me in the groove and help me decide whether its really worth it or not. I'd try Jewelry making...I've always wanted to try that class out!
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