Is it just me??

Or does this make anyone else really angry?

I just do not understand how people can be so disrespectful when they are out shopping.

Now I understand something may fall here and there but REALLY pick it up at least!!




I was standing in one spot and physically had to WALK over stuff there was so much on the floor. And I attempted to help pick it up but can you believe it? I mean you would not do that at home would you?


Or maybe they would? Some people just have no class and this was at MACYS!! It frustrated me so much I left the mall...ha ha so you know it bothered me lots!

You know its bad when your husband notices

So sitting at the Dr office today waiting to see the doctor the hubby leans over and says "umm babe your eyebrows are starting to look like mine..." (not sure what I am doing with my face in this picture)




Sorry about the close up

But to prove his point... Yeah they have gotten REALLY out of control!


But in my defense the last time I got them done was a DISASTER (you know the lady with crossed eyes?) and I needed to let them fill in as to have them fixed... I think its time...

I have also posted on the other blog about todays round of Chemotherapy if you would like to stop in and see





PS If you want to know why I have to cut my eyelashes I will tell you my secret.

All set up for Christmas

So I have mentioned on the blog before that when the hubby and I started dating (13 years ago) my grandma suggested we buy a Christmas ornament when ever we travel and to get at least one new one each year for the tree.

See this is SUCH a fabulous idea because every ornament on the tree has a story.

But see I am a bad Christmas person. I LOVE Christmas. I LOVE seeing everyone's decorations, I love getting into the spirit I LOVE getting our new ornament every year but I am a little ashamed to admit this......

This is the FIRST TIME IN 7 years (yes all the years we have been married) that I put up a tree **hangs head in shame**

Yes you see I have never "bothered" because of the mess and I am so SORRY I never did! I popped in The Cinderella Story (with Drew Barrymore) and started to decorate.

The before:




And then the after:




I so wish I would have done this forever ago....


Sorry for the bad pictures this one was taken at my mom's house the first year we were dating 1998 (akk I am so old) I remember this picture and if I recall correctly that I was wearing *gasp* overalls! Ugg


And this one is one of my new favorites. I am not sure if you remember our Christmas morning last year? Yeah our furnace caught fire and at 5am Christmas morning and 15 guys from the fire department came out to investigate? You can read about it here?
I just thought the fire dog was a fabulous way to remember that year?



And this one is from Mount Rushmore...

I also realize now that I have dragged everything out that I NEED MORE STUFF!! I need WAY more lights for the tree, and a tree skirt, and a wreath for outside.. the list is endless!

So I totally understand if you want to start collecting a new one each year too... Its so cool! I am getting old though so all the ornaments are marked with dates and placed so my crazy brain can remember where they are from....

Now that the tree is all set up I will show you some more of my fabulous decorations and the stories behind them.

People are so disorganized!

Very few things really frustrate me in this world (well that is a lie but to really frustrate me takes quite a bit).

Disorganization is one of them! Serious.

I booked a Doctors appointment for 10am this morning.

I booked this appointment over a week ago.

Well I show up this morning to meet my new doctor and guess what? The doctor is not in on Thursdays.

humm what?

So I tell the girl "I have a 10 o'clock appointment"

Girl "Humm no you do not, we do not book appointments for Thursdays because the doctor is not here"

Me "Oh could you check, because I am pretty precise with stuff like this (considering the practice I am getting)"

Girl "Oh yeah, look you are booked at 10am. That's weird we do not book appointments for Thursdays"

I am a little frustrated to say the least. I show up 15 minutes before I am supposed to be there and to even GO to the doctors is huge for me.

Anyways she explains she has no appointments till after the holidays...

I ask "Could you please check again for me (I smile nice and try not to sound exasperated under my breath)? I really need to see the doctor?"

And voila I am in at 8:45am tomorrow morning...

Does this seem strange to anyone else??

Falling apart

So yesterday was a day like any other.

I ate lunch at work and it was yummy I had shrimp and fries, I must also add that I have eaten seafood about 4 days a week since birth.

About 2 hours after I ate I walked into the kitchen and felt light headed. Then I broke out in HUGE hives, turned bright red. The paramedics came to check me out and said that they think it was a shellfish allergy and I had some benadryl.

They also made me have my husband come pick me up or I was leaving in a ambulance. I was feeling fine but about half way home I started having chest pains. And trouble breathing.

So yep off to the ER with me. The hubby was behind me because I did not want to leave my car at work.

They originally thought it could have been a blood clot in my heart, they thought this because of all the symptoms and the fact that it took us 13 hours to get home at thanksgiving which could have caused the clot.

No blood clot.

They moved on to allergy's. Which I have NEVER had. EVER. I love seafood, I always have but now I am the proud owner of an epipen because there is a "chance" that I have developed an allergy to shellfish.

And they have NO idea what is wrong with me. And I am still having the chest pains.

We touched a bit on the anxiety bit, well you know because there is nothing going on in our lives. and I had another "attack" while shopping today.

So I need to find a doctor to figure out what is going.

Its all scary. And yes I cried. The hubby is going through so much more than I can ever imagine and I am falling apart at the seams.....

When it rains it pours I just wonder what the frig is wrong with me. And both times my chest hurts and I lose my breath I am not doing anything weird or worrying about anything?

Sound strange to you?

The baby question?

So we always knew we were not going to have children. I have posted about it a few times and the reasons we could never have children

But now that my husband has Cancer this has opened a whole can of worms for me. Although I have been told that I can not have children I have this "hunch" that this challenge that we are up against. This thing called Cancer has nothing on me.

Since the news (Actually even before we heard the news I was teasing him about wanting a baby) I have had this overwhelming urge to get pregnant. TO try to get pregnant.

We have made the choice (well not really my body has) to not have babies, but now that the chance after Chemo and radiation will be gone forever?

He thought it would be crazy for me to get pregnant in case something happens to him not to mention all the complications I would have?

Am I so crazy?

I have come to the terms that I will never be a mother. I have embraced it, cried about it and moved on. It was not in gods plans for us to be parents.

But I would be lying if I said I had not put a lot of thought into this.

The doctor brought up the option to bank his sperm for later use and I cried when we talked about it.

I was worried that even though we did not choose to have children when the choice is taken away from us I was not sure about how I felt.

But after a long discussion we both agree everything happens for a reason. Good and bad. And we are staying positive about EVERYTHING!

It just sucks that I have to grieve about it again.....
This picture is from the April fools day joke we emailed our family and friends you can read about it here.

Chemo starts tomorrow

I have been such a bad blogger. But I assume you will all forgive me because I have a little bit going on in my life.

My hubby starts Chemotherapy tomorrow morning and I will be updating the other blog every day while we go through this you can see it here I have added the pretty new link under my profile.



Also I would LOVE to add if anyone is looking or shopping for a FABULOUS new blog design I would HIGHLY recommend Miranda over at little sailor designs



Made with graphic elements by Kristin Cronin-Barrow


She is AMAZING and I LOVE what she did with very little input.

I would also like to share the goodness in people. I had emailed Miranda about a price for getting a header thing with tabs for the top of the cancer blog so it would be easier to navigate for everyone.

AND SHE DONATED HER TIME! She did the blog completely for no charge and I could not be more thankful. It turned out amazing and I LOVE it. Like LOVE!

Thank you Miranda you have no idea what this means to me.

I love me some free shoes!

So I think I have mentioned a time or two that I have some fabulous friends.

Well one of said friends from Canada, crossed the boarder to go shopping in NY and she bought lots of fabulous stuff from Kohls.

She sends me an email that she "Has this thing called Kohls cash for $50?" and could I use it seeing how she would not be back in the US to spend it!

WHAT!! YES!! It was expiring in a couple of days so she mailed it off to me and even though it was expired Kohls let me use it!

So I treated myself to some FABULOUS boots!



And they are brown. Something I would have NEVER bought for myself because I am weird like that and all the shoes I own I do not have a single pair of brown ones!! I love brown on everyone but me. But seeing how they were free and fabulous I am going to learn to love them!

Oh and have you ever ordered anything online at Kohls? NEVER DO!! I went to the store and they did not have my size so I ordered them online 13 days ago and THEY ARE ONLY SHIPPING ON FRIDAY!! So it will be almost 3 weeks before I get my fabulous boots....

But they are so pretty!

Look out Martha Stewart!

Oh yes I made Turkey cupcakes for Thanksgiving...

I saw it somewhere and I just though they were the cutest things! They were super easy to make to!

1. Just make regular cupcakes (totally forgot I was going to blog about it and got too excited to take a picture of just the cupcakes)

2. This is my super budget fabulous icing thingamajig. I put all the icing into a ziplock bag that I had cut a corner from.

You have to make the icing thick to hold the candy corn.

I used 3 WHOLE things of icing for 24 cupcakes (they were all free because they went on clearance for $.34 and I had $.40 off coupons!)I saw them done with vanilla and chocolate icing and they were just as cute! The orange is from the Halloween clearance.

3. They need a big dolop of icing for the head


4. Add the candy corn to the tails (also free on clearance!)


5. Give it a mouth

6. And then eyes (if you look closely you will see my eyes are actually bats from the free frosting)

That's it... All my Turkeys ready to go!


It was funny I told my SIL that I was bringing Turkey cupcakes to thanksgiving dinner and she said "umm I am not sure how well turkey cupcakes will go over?"

Its official

Its been confirmed its Hodgkin s Lymphoma Stage 2

He has 2 minor surgeries on Friday the first is to take some bone marrow to test it to make sure the cancer is not in his bones and the second it to "install" (sounds like something you would put in a car?) a portacath into his chest to administer the chemotherapy.

To read the whole story you can go here.

We are both pretty happy about it. If it has to be Cancer at least it is something that is treatable with a 90% success rate! So YAY for Hodgkins!

I know it sounds weird to be happy about it, I mean we had already got our heads around the whole "Cancer" thing and we are just relieved to know what it is and what we are doing to move forward.

Chemo starts within 2 weeks the doctors say.

Thank you all for your support and prayers and well wishes, I can speak for myself when I say I have felt them over the last 2 weeks.

Its hard to explain really. I mean you hear the words Cancer and you want to cry and scream and I never got that. Yes I cried and yes I was angry for a split second but its out of my hands. Its out of our control.

Craig is one of the strongest people I know. He has always been my rock. He NEVER gets sick. I know he will beat this. He has no choice!

My heart has been at piece with it. Now don't get me wrong. I am scared. I am scared to see the man I have spent the last 13 years with get sick. I am scared at the whole chemo and radiation stuff that is about to happen. I am scared that the doctor has explained this will be a 6 month process of chemo and radiation.

But my heart is at peace. I have faith that this will bring us closer as a family, it will truly test our weaknesses. But I KNOW, I know in my heart of all hearts that this is going to be ok!

Its a funny story really...

A couple of weeks ago Old Navy was having a fabulous sale! All clearance was %50 off PLUS I had a coupon for an extra %30 off.

So I headed out in search of almost FREE (well sort off if you do the math, the items were already marked down %50 plus MY EXTRA %80 off) items.

I am usually not a HUGE fan of Old Navy but for the clearance and quality there is just no where else to get deals like that.

So I made a "few" purchases and paid $23 for 3 pairs of pants, 6 sweaters and 7 shirts. WOW what a steal! The pants were all $3.20 FOR CARGO PANTS! And they are so comfy!

I immediately wash the black ones to wear and I LOVE them. I also love that I got them in 3 colors.

Well yesterday I was feeling under the weather. I slept late, was dragging and I swear I am fighting something that wants to make me sick (I also think it may be stress)

Anyways I head out to the post office which is a block from the house and throw on a pair of my new comfy pants.

I run a few errands and come home to cook dinner.

After dinner I use the rest room and I notice I HAVE HUGE BRUISES ALL OVER MY LEGS!! I run out of the bathroom with my pants around my ankles to show the hubby.

We are both SUPER concerned, he is telling me I need to go to the hospital and I am FREAKING out because WHAT IS THIS!! We thought all the bruising was from the massage the hubby gave me the night before....

Then I start to laugh....

Yeah the pants I "threw on" had not been washed.. And the grey dye transferred onto my skin! It was SO GROSS/Scary I will never do that again (wear something before its washed) I am usually VERY weird about stuff like that because of all the stuff I read like this and this.

And I would have taken a pictures but it was UGLY.. But the good news is I do not have to go to the hospital! lol

So much to be thankful for

1. I am thankful for all my family and friends. I have been truly overwhelmed in the last couple of weeks with the out pouring of love and support.

2. I am thankful for the beautiful 13 years I have had with the most amazing husband.

3. I am thankful for our health, all things considered we are really lucky.

4. I am thankful for all the doctors, nurses, oncologist, radiologist and hospital staff that have been so amazing the last week.

5. I am thankful for how quick this whole process has been. I have heard horror stories of people having to wait months for tests and results. We are very blessed.

6. I am thankful for our dog Daisy, its been almost 4 years and she makes me laugh every day. She also knows how to take care of me when I am worried and upset.

7. I am just thankful for everything. I am thankful that my heart is at peace with what it about to happen. I am thankful for the strength to get through each day.

We are blessed.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

What are you Thankful for this year?

Do you see what I have to deal with?

(being silly and I can not see it till I look at the picture)

Its ok to laugh. There is really nothing else we can do. The hubby is getting a little upset with me taking a bunch of pictures for the other blog so now he is just being silly...

Surgery went well you can read about it here.

Thank you all for the well wishes and prayers we are feeling them all!

Death of the FABULOUS frame

So my first DIY project has died a deadly death.

She was so pretty and she was my first.. You always remember your first..


She survived the move fine but when I went to hang her I "bumped" her.. Yeah she crumbled. Hubby offered to help me glue it back together.. Nope she went into the trash....

This picture makes me giggle

Goodness I LOVE this dog!

A little do it yourself project

I was having a little issue with my "jewelry" I LOVE to accessorize but I always find it too hard to find what I am looking for.. or even to remember what I have I keep it in shoe boxes and little pull Rubbermaid totes tucked in my closet

And we keep our bedroom door open so Daisy can get in and out of the bedroom whenever she needs to
So we have this HUGE bare wall behind our door begging for something so I went out to target and got me some of these (I used a coupon of coarse!)


Started putting them together


And covered the wall in them...



VOILA! I am quite impressed if I do say so myself. And now I know where everything is.. I need to figure out something for my earrings. For now they are in the little totes.



And now I also need more little hooks because I had WAY more than I thought.. But I like the way it turned out!

The Blog is up * Edited

So I started a blog for the hubby and I to share our journey.



I also want to ask for help does anyone know how to make a button? I would like to have one to link to his blog or from people to have if they want it.

Try this again

Craigs Fight

or

http://craigsfight.blogspot.com/

Staying Positive

We are both staying positive and we are in good spirits. You never expect any of this to happen to YOUR family?

He has had his PET scan yesterday, which is where they inject you with the stuff that makes the tumors glow, and we have met with the oncologist and the radiologist oncologist and they are all BAFFLED how he is not sick. He is not showing ANY symptoms of the cancer.

We know for sure he has the tumor in his neck, he has a mass in his chest and he has a swollen spleen.

I forced the doctor to "guess" what stage he though it was at and he said if he had to go with what information he has that "not on record" it would be a stage 3 or 4.

Its all really scary. But it is out of our hands.

We meet with the surgeon today.

The love and support that has outpouring is amazing. We can feel it.

At least I can speak for myself when I say that my heart is at peace with what is about to happen. I know that sounds so weird. And I do not understand it myself. I have had no more than at least 5 people panicking about "are you ok" and to be honest

I am ok.

Its out of our control. Everyone keeps telling me that they can not believe how strong I am being. And they are worried I will fall apart.

I do not feel it. I have let go of the control and I am peace with what is about to happen. I have NO control over what will happen. Its going to happen even if I get angry, and scream, and cry. Its not going to change anything...

Thank you all for your love and support. We are working on a blog that I will share with you all as soon as its up and running. It will have all the information as we get it to share with family and friends and anyone else who may happen upon it. I have started taking pictures to document this journey so that maybe one day it will help someone else going through this.

This is my new mantra:

Hope is not about everything turning out ok. It's about being ok no matter how things turn out

How your life can change in an instant

So about a week ago the hubby showed me a bump on his neck. I being the doting wife told him to have a Dr look at it. (he works in a hospital)

Nurse says its a pulled muscle and to put ice on it.

So he does and no change.

So yesterday we go to a hospital to have it looked at because he was going out of town for the week (getting him in a hospital is like pulling teeth) after the 3 hour wait we leave.

We had set the alarms early to get up and go to a different hospital "just in case" because I did not want to wait till he got back to have it checked.

I chalked it up to "its nothing" but he swore it was something worse.

We woke up this morning at 6am and he says "Lets just not go, we can go when we get back"

Me very sleepy say "Ok if you think so"

He goes pee and that little nagging feeling hits me in the gut. I REALLY wanted to stay in the nice warm bed because it was all warm and comfy but I let my gut lead me

"Babe we are already up, lets just go and humor me that its nothing before you are gone for a week, last time I listened to my gut you went in for emergency surgery within hours of me getting you to the hospital"

Off to the hospital we go.

10 minutes in we are checked by a nurse who stated "Oh no worries that's not even where your lymph nodes are"

The Dr comes in says hi and introduces us to her assistant.

She them feels the lump on his neck and you can audibly hear her gasp at the size of it.

The Dr does not say much but tells us he needs a CT scan.

We wait 2 hours after he had to drink this HUGE container of chalky stuff to help the CT scan.

And then after about 30 hour the peppy little Dr pokes her head back in the room

"You have Lymphoma Cancer"

Not the man I love. Not the strongest man I know. Not the man who NEVER gets sick. Not the guy who always teases me about being sick.


Its not even real.

Cancer?

Its still really early and we do not know anything yet we know its Lymphoma we know they "suspect" its hodgkin's lymphoma.

We go for a PET scan on Wednesday and meet with the oncologist tomorrow....

If you pray, if you send good vibes if you want to just keep us in your thoughts....I will take anything you got!!

But the good news is we are both in good spirits. If you can say that. We both know and understand that it is out of our control.

For your viewing pleasure (after all the family had been notified) this is my husbands facebook status :

Randoms Husband has found out that he has Lymphoma....possibly Hodgkins. I will know more by the end of the week after the PET scan. Biopsy next week. Looking forward to the weight loss and cool medication. 33 is looking like the new 70.

One of the many reasons he is my hero...

Thats it your fired!!

The laundry fairy is SERIOUSLY lacking on her duties?

I mean this is 10 loads of laundry just lying on the counter! I mean the nerve of some people.

Its been there for 2 days!!! You figure she would get the picture??

(this has since been put away...sheesssh no help from the fairy either!)

What not to wear Wednesdays

Showing your underwear is making a comeback?

Look closely.. Her thong is hanging out of her pants...

Being a good friend?

Does not mean you should borrow her tights?
Its not ok?

To be 55 and dress like you are 20 with a midriff showing?


What are your thoughts?

What self sabotage looks like...

So umm yeah... I have been trying SO HARD but in my defense it was ALL FREE!! And on clearance.. my 2 favorite words ever...


And if you have seen these in the stores and wondered "humm I wonder if these are good?" Well I bought these for the hubby. He loves anything pumpkin... Well they are DELICIOUS!! Supper yummy.. And I ate ALL OF THEM!!! And I do not even feel bad.. they were amazing!! And they were free so I "had to try them"..


An favorite treats that you go to?

Open Letters

Dear downstairs neighbor,

I know I have smiled and said hello to you a few times and ogled after your very cute newborn. I will have no more smiles for you.
I heard you the other day SCREAMING at the baby "STOP CRYING!! ALL YOU EVER DO IS CRY!!" at the top of your lungs.
But who am I to judge I am not a mother. But to scream at a baby???

Sincerly
Dirty looks for you



Dear stinky guy who trained me today,

Take a shower! There is something to be said about a restaurant that would allow such a stinking (and I am not even exaggerating) serving tables.
Also I almost barfed when you REACHED YOUR BARE HAND INTO THE OLIVES!!
Eww your gross. And I can still smell you in my nostrils!

Sincerly
I hope I never have to work "near" you again

Dear Ladies (in general)

I understand the need to "hoover" I get it, I do! But let's be honest IF YOU PISS ALL OVER THE SEAT CLEAN IT UP!!
I understand its an art we all try to master but no one is perfect...

Oh and while I am at it... Flush the damn toilet.

Sincerly
Sick of cleaning up other peoples piss to hover over the toilet

Thats all for today...

30 pounds in 3 months!

I need to lose 30 pounds by January.

Why?

Well its time. Its really time this time! Not to mention I will going to Vegas with some very special people in my life and I want to be in good form.

I am doing it for myself and my health.

So yesterday I did 5 miles combined with walks with Daisy and the hubby and I went to the BEAUTIFUL gym in our building for a couple as well.

I LOVE our gym. Its state of the art AND NO ONE USES IT!! We are 2 blocks from a 24 hour fitness that is PACKED all the time but I can walk into our gym any time and be the only one in there.


This is a good thing. No excuses. No "Oh there are no treadmills I should go home" or equally as good "I really do not want to set a fire while my thighs rub together and but cheeks cause a minor earthquake"

But I need to STAY motivated!!

What works for you??

What not to wear Wednesday

So does anyone see whats wrong with this picture??
I mean I am no FASIONISTA but even I know you do not wear WHITE SHOES AFTER LABOR DAY!!.... But I am guessing there must have been a GREAT sale on these white boots because we have not one but THREE offenders!
And I wish I could tell you these ladies were young and hip (because if they were then WHITE boots are totally acceptable)? But no they were all over 50 struting their stuff downtown San Francisco...
But to not be out done they brought their 60 year old friend in leopard pants! I mean she has a fabulous ass and is rocking them but its 11am. I mean where do you wear pants like that at 11am? Oh not to mention the orange lipstick because... well I had to look!