The fuckers that are EARWIGS

Because its SOOO embarrassing I need to tell people the story of the ASSAULT/VIOLATION of the earwig climbing into my bed.
Well it happened once and I was like WHAT THE FUCK.
And then it happened again, I jump outta bed (I am such a light sleeper) ripe the covers back flip on the lights, much to the surprise of the husband who rolled over slowly, looked up at me like I was in fact crazy and went back to sleep.
I squish the little fucker in a Kleenex and try to go back to sleep.
As if you can sleep after this is the SECOND violation of this sort in less than a month. I am traumatized the husband does not remember the incident at all and thinks I make it all up.
So I starting thinking why do these little buggers like me?? Why do they never climb on him? He would be more fun and has a hairy chest to play in but they prefer to climb on my hairless arms (I shave them see this post).
Then it dawns on me, our apartment is pretty dry and the 2 times they have assaulted me its when I went to bed right after a shower and had wet hair.
AHHH it makes sense now. So I am telling this earwig grossness to a colleague cause she pointed out behind my desk that there is a family of cockroaches living in the trap that was set and she happens to mention to me that earwigs burrow into your head and lay babies.
Thus an intense search of the internet while I do weebie jebbie dances in my pants cause the proximity these little fuckers came to my head and the fact that my hair was wet was quite some drama.

The name earwig is derived from a European superstition that these insects enter the ears of a sleeping person and bore into the brain. This belief is totally unfounded. Earwigs develop from egg to adult through gradual metamorphosis with four to five nymphal instars or stages.

Weehhwww so no earwig babies in my ears. I have DOUSED the house in RAID and hopefully there will be no more violations of the fuckers.
And if there is we are going to have some serious issues because even now if a friggin hair brushes my ear/leg/face while I am sleeping I jump up like the crazy I am thinking it’s the family and they are back.

{{{{shudder}}}}}

PS if anyone has any tips to exterminate these fuckers other than bathing in RAID please let me know