Momma always said wear clean underwear

8am this morning I have an appointment for my physical for my new job. Because I have been through this before I knew to make sure to drink lots of water on the way just to make sure without question I would be able to pee. (this has happened before and is a nighmare because they make you come back to fill the cup, and if you can not they make you come back) Anyways I get there at 8am and I am there with about 7 other people.
I sit and wait patiently.
And wait.
And wait.
Finally at 9am I ask the lady if its going to be much longer because I am about to burst.
She looks at the sign in sheet and there is a check beside my name.

Her "Have you filed out forms yet?"
Me "No, you have not called me yet I have been here for the last hour and some people who came in after me have been going in"
Her "Are you sure?"
Me "Yes I am sure you fucking idiot, I think I would know if you gave me forms to fill out" (not really what I said but what I was certainly thinking)
Her "Oh, well this check here (she shows me the check mark) shows that I called you to fill in forms are you sure you have not filled them out and misplaced them?"
Me "Listen fucktard, I am SURE you did not give me forms and this sitting area that is RIGHT THE FUCK in front of you it would be clear if forms had been misplaced" (you get the picture)
Her "Oh, Ok then here fill out these forms and we will get you right in"

So I am on my merry way, hearing test, sight test, TB stick to the arm and then when all was filled out I am lead to a room by the nurse and told "Take off your pants and shirt and leave the opening to the back"

WHAT THE FUCK! This is a physical right? Because doctors are so fun and its even more fun when you have never met them before and will never see them again, and they come flying into the room and its certain that you are clearly not prepared and have not gotten the stupid gown that's to open in the back to cover you nid bits yet and the room is freezing and this doctor tells you to sit.
And you try, you try to be so cute and sit without the magnitude of you ass spreading all over the table because its become very apparent had you know that you would be asked to put on a gown you may have fished the "full bottom" panties from the back of the panty drawer and would not be here in this predicament if hes laughing at your cottage cheese spread ass all over his table.
He makes you breath (your good at this) asks a few questions has you stand up and touch your nose with your eyes closed and you do so with your ass facing the wall then it comes.

Dr you have never met in your life and you are in a robe that does not do up or cover your ass.

"Please touch your toes"
Your face immediately goes beet read and you laugh cause you are embarrassed you are thinking in your head FUCK, and you hesitate. And laugh again.
YOU.WANT.ME.TO.WHAT?

He then tells you to hold it with one hand.....

Weehhwe that one was close. It is days like these that I question love for the thong/g-string?