Friday, March 07, 2008

Time to think about me...

So I finally did it.

I left my job with no intentions on going back. Ever.

Yesterday was a hard day for me, a LONG time ago when I was working for a company I was not happy with, a manager I was not happy with, life in general at that time was interesting. Anyways one morning when I was going out the door to work I all of a sudden felt sick, my heart started to almost beat out of my chest, I got dizzy and started having chest pains.
Well I had not lived at home for years but they first person I call is my mom. She is there in mock speed and I am rush to the emergency room.
MASSIVE panic attack. Yep. Crazy. I am not one to usually to play the drama queen and this was very scary and very real. My dr gave me some meds after "observing" me for a couple of days and I was aloud to go home when it was established I was not a threat to myself or others...
Lead up to yesterday. My manager has been out of town all week and was due back this morning... About 10am I started having chest pains. I started to sweet and my heart was racing. I call the husband.
"Babe, remember WAY back when I told you about the panic attack I had FOREVER ago?"

"Yeah, why"

"Well I am going to leave today and not come back, I have just barfed and my heart is beating out of my chest, I have the shakes and I feel that same way I did that morning..."

"I love you babe, you need to do what you need to do. I love you"

So with that I went back to my desk, got my things told the next in charge that I was going home sick and then this morning I left a message for my manager to call me when she was in the office so I could come in a talk to her.

I will not go back in I will talk to her on the phone and pick up my things on Monday.

I feel sick just waiting for the call... And I also feel guilty for being this irresponsible....

*** Edit to add... I just talked to her.. She says she understands COMPLETELY!! It was so strange but such a HUGE relief.. I go in @ 2pm to "talk" and to get things in order. After barfing all morning and worrying about this its all about to be over... wish me luck***

9 comments:

Jonathan Zero said...

You have to do what is best for you. This job has made you ill and it is best you not go back. Things will work out. No need to feel guilty. It does not sound like an overall good job environment and that has nothing to do with you.

Deutlich said...

I had a 3 hour panic attack at work last week. I was thisclose to just walking out.. but I, unfortunately, need the $$

some bullshit, if you ask me. hate this job.

glad you're doing what's necessary for you!

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Jonathan- Hey thanks, I feel guilty only because I "care" about the people who are going to be screwed by me not being there... I will get over it after a few more drinks..lol Just kidding for now.. Its only 10am

Deutlich- Its been a long time coming and a HUGE leap of faith for me. But it needed to be done. The rest of the shit will work its way ouT!!

Dixie said...

Sometimes you just gotta do, what you gotta do! No shame.

Princess of the Universe said...

Boy do I ever hear you! I've kind of sort of given my notice...and I don't have another job to go to. If my meeting with my boss & supervisor don't go well, I may have to work at McD's for a while...

Midnight said...

Only you know what that job is doing to you and yours. Nobody could criticise you for such a decision if it is having that effect on you. Jobs are easy to come by. Happiness and being content are not. Well done!

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Dixie- Yep thats fo'sho

Princess- I was thinking the same thing, Hey I can say "Would you like fries with that?" Also have you been lately? I mean serious its McD's how hard can it be?

Midnight- Thanks its a HUGE leap for me but it FEELS GREAT!! I wish I would have done it LONG AGo!!

ally said...

no one should work in an environment that causes anxiety. there are other jobs and there is only one of you. good luck.

mSjEnA said...

Be Good to You.. I had panic attacks when myson was born 17 years ago and they're no Joke ! I occasionally have mild ones but I can pretty much control them with breathing techniques my doctor taught me. It's still hard to control them when Im stressing. Please take care of you !! No job's worth it.

 
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