Monday, January 14, 2008

Ok lets get personal for a minute

So y'all know how I HATE the Dr. Seems you never get any good news. Well today was one of those days.
I thought that I may not blog about it. I was going to keep it to myself, but I feel the need to write, its seems the more I talk about the more it feels like its going to be ok.
Y'all have been great and supportive and I am going to have faith its going to be ok.

They found a lump in my breast, and I have a mammogram on the 28th. I freaked the fuck out and had a mental break. I then came to my senses that this was all out of my control. Cancer runs in my family on my mom's side. My mom has had cervical cancer 2 times now. They found a lump when I was 21 too, I went for the ultrasound and mammogram and it was just a cyst. But at that time my doctor assured me it would be nothing and I had nothing to worry about. Well this time was REALLY different.
He found the lump, and then had the nurse feel it. Until she touched it, it did not hurt, he then felt it again and read its dimensions to the nurse in a very concerned tone, he also mentioned "It was not a small lump". He then told the nurse after she schedules the mammogram to also schedule the biopsy. THIS.FREAKED.ME.THE.FUCK.OUT.
The one time before it was nothing like that. Maybe it was his bedside manor, I am up all naked on the table in my paper gown ready for my pap and I was trying to keep it together. It worked for a bit and I opted out of the rest of my physical. This was enough for one day.

I called the hubby and freak out, always the voice of reason tells me not to worry about it till we know anything for sure.
I know its going to be fine this is just routine.
But I am mad at myself a little. Because of the risk and family history, I know I should have kept up on my self exams. More boob play for the husband (ha ha ok I need to laugh about this a little)
I should have found the lump.

So ladies.. husbands... go feel up your boobies.. I expect a full report in the morning.

"One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything."
Georg C. Lichtenberg


Daniele said...

Hi Random! I'm so sorry to read this. It's always easy for other people (including me) to say 'let's not freak out until we know for sure' but when it's YOUR boobs/body, it's an entirely different story. I'll be thinking of you and hope that it's nothing serious! Keep us posted.

The Real Kidd said...

Ah, hun I'm sorry. Please know that I'll be thinking about you and wishing you will. ((hug)) It sucks and I'm sure that if I was in your shoes, I would freak out as well. So don't feel bad about that.

AM said...

I'll try to spin this positively. Maybe this doctor (who I am assuming is a different doctor then when you were 21) is just more...paranoid? Maybe its a cyst like before, he just handles it differently.

Definetly keep us posted.

RWA said...

I'll be thinking about you, and hopefully the doctor is being overly precautious.

Magnolia Sun said...

I agree with the others hopefully he is just more agressive than the other doctor which really isn't a bad thing. I'll be sending positive vibes and good thoughts your way.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I hope the result are good. Let us know.

Anonymous said...

Keep good thoughts!
Everything will be okay.
I am keeping you in my prayers.

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