Dear downstairs neighbor,
I know I have smiled and said hello to you a few times and ogled after your very cute newborn. I will have no more smiles for you.
I heard you the other day SCREAMING at the baby "STOP CRYING!! ALL YOU EVER DO IS CRY!!" at the top of your lungs.
But who am I to judge I am not a mother. But to scream at a baby???
Sincerly
Dirty looks for you
Dear stinky guy who trained me today,
Take a shower! There is something to be said about a restaurant that would allow such a stinking (and I am not even exaggerating) serving tables.
Also I almost barfed when you REACHED YOUR BARE HAND INTO THE OLIVES!!
Eww your gross. And I can still smell you in my nostrils!
Sincerly
I hope I never have to work "near" you again
Dear Ladies (in general)
I understand the need to "hoover" I get it, I do! But let's be honest IF YOU PISS ALL OVER THE SEAT CLEAN IT UP!!
I understand its an art we all try to master but no one is perfect...
Oh and while I am at it... Flush the damn toilet.
Sincerly
Sick of cleaning up other peoples piss to hover over the toilet
Thats all for today...
Showing posts with label open letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label open letters. Show all posts
Friday, November 05, 2010
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Open Letters
Dear Mother Nature,
Now before we get off on the wrong foot I would just like to say I have been enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather we have been having. Sunny and 90 degrees for the last week, I am LOVING it!
However today, without ANY notice (barely a cloud in the sky) you waited until I had just stepped out of the car locked the doors AND THEN POURED DOWN RAIN LIKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN!
Serious. It was bad. So bad that I was soaked all the way through by the time I made it to the doors at the post office (I was parked EXACTLY out front)
Now I do love me some rain. But....
I was wearing white capris. Fresh from a shower, covered in lotion.
Oh yeah the post office got quite the show.
And when I walked back out of the post office sunny skis every where and I was soaked and people were staring....
Sincerely
Not wanting to end up on Wednesdays "What not to wear"
Dear Post office,
You would think at 12:30 on a Tuesday AFTER a holiday you would have more than 2 people on staff during the lunch rush.
Really there were 27 people in line in front of me, 13 behind me.
I counted.
And it was raining.
Just saying
Dear pompous JACKASS 2 people in front of me at the post office,
You are a jackass.
Really.
You stood there for 35 minutes talking LOUDLY (you know those kind of people) about your business blah, blah.
Your an idiot.
And then when you get to the front, and make a call WHILE YOUR BEING HELPED to someone who should know where your mail key is and the post office does not have it..
Figure YOUR SHIT OUT BEFORE YOU GET THE THE FRONT OF THE LINE!
And while you are talking on the phone so loudly while we are all still standing in line and I chim in
"Hey Don (post office workers name) would it be ok, to help the OTHER PEOPLE PATIENTLY waiting in line while this guy figures out what the hell he needs"
And the whole post office applauds.
Yes that was me you flashed a dirty look to.
Whatchagoingtodoaboutit.
And yes, I waved at you and smiled.
And when we ALL clapped when you left, yeah I started it.
You know the scary thing? You run a business. And we wonder why so many businesses do not make it.
Sincerely
No time for ignorant people, get some class buddy!
Now before we get off on the wrong foot I would just like to say I have been enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather we have been having. Sunny and 90 degrees for the last week, I am LOVING it!
However today, without ANY notice (barely a cloud in the sky) you waited until I had just stepped out of the car locked the doors AND THEN POURED DOWN RAIN LIKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN!
Serious. It was bad. So bad that I was soaked all the way through by the time I made it to the doors at the post office (I was parked EXACTLY out front)
Now I do love me some rain. But....
I was wearing white capris. Fresh from a shower, covered in lotion.
Oh yeah the post office got quite the show.
And when I walked back out of the post office sunny skis every where and I was soaked and people were staring....
Sincerely
Not wanting to end up on Wednesdays "What not to wear"
Dear Post office,
You would think at 12:30 on a Tuesday AFTER a holiday you would have more than 2 people on staff during the lunch rush.
Really there were 27 people in line in front of me, 13 behind me.
I counted.
And it was raining.
Just saying
Dear pompous JACKASS 2 people in front of me at the post office,
You are a jackass.
Really.
You stood there for 35 minutes talking LOUDLY (you know those kind of people) about your business blah, blah.
Your an idiot.
And then when you get to the front, and make a call WHILE YOUR BEING HELPED to someone who should know where your mail key is and the post office does not have it..
Figure YOUR SHIT OUT BEFORE YOU GET THE THE FRONT OF THE LINE!
And while you are talking on the phone so loudly while we are all still standing in line and I chim in
"Hey Don (post office workers name) would it be ok, to help the OTHER PEOPLE PATIENTLY waiting in line while this guy figures out what the hell he needs"
And the whole post office applauds.
Yes that was me you flashed a dirty look to.
Whatchagoingtodoaboutit.
And yes, I waved at you and smiled.
And when we ALL clapped when you left, yeah I started it.
You know the scary thing? You run a business. And we wonder why so many businesses do not make it.
Sincerely
No time for ignorant people, get some class buddy!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Open Letters
Dear guy in front of me at yoga the other night:
You are an asshole. There I said it. I mean if you could not afford the biker shorts to go under your "sports shorts" I WILL BUY THEM FOR YOU!
Its a little distracting trying to focus on postures in the mirror when YOUR BALLS are dangling in my face.
And it was not like carrots its made me gag a few times and I got less out of the class because I was worried about the "harrydanglingballshow"
Get some class.
I mean SOME HOW another gentleman got in front of me at last nights class and he had enough decency to cover those babies up?
Scared for life
Random
Dear Target:
I heart you. I do. You always amaze me at your unbelievable clearance and the fact that today YOU PAID ME TO SHOP! Yep I spent $0.86 cents and made $30.
I love you.
Oh and shout out to whoever decided on the FABULOUS spring fashions.
Love Random
You are an asshole. There I said it. I mean if you could not afford the biker shorts to go under your "sports shorts" I WILL BUY THEM FOR YOU!
Its a little distracting trying to focus on postures in the mirror when YOUR BALLS are dangling in my face.
And it was not like carrots its made me gag a few times and I got less out of the class because I was worried about the "harrydanglingballshow"
Get some class.
I mean SOME HOW another gentleman got in front of me at last nights class and he had enough decency to cover those babies up?
Scared for life
Random
Dear Target:
I heart you. I do. You always amaze me at your unbelievable clearance and the fact that today YOU PAID ME TO SHOP! Yep I spent $0.86 cents and made $30.
I love you.
Oh and shout out to whoever decided on the FABULOUS spring fashions.
Love Random
Monday, November 10, 2008
Open Letters
Dear Local Post Office:
You are a bunch of fuckers. You read that right. Fuckers. Just because we live in a small town does not mean when someone calls in sick (like this past Friday) you can just REFUSE to sort the mail for your local Gov offices.
This means I received 5 times the amount of deposits today and you can kiss my ass.
Sincerly
Another reason small towns BITE ASS.
Dear Everyone in my little office:
Your a bunch of digbats. Seriously thank you for the entertainment. Just because both supervisors are away does not make "everyone" else the boss. It is very entertaining to watch you all run around jockeying for position.
Sure I will listen to you all talk shit about each other, it makes me laugh. You all need to get a life.
Sincerly
LMAO fly on the wall
Dear inventor of the electric blanket:
Where have you been all my life. Its like falling in love EVERYDAY. And why did you not make me purchase one 10 year ago. I mean serious. This is fucking AWESOME. I confess my love to you every day.
I love you
Thank you
Sincerly
Me and my VERY warm toes.
You are a bunch of fuckers. You read that right. Fuckers. Just because we live in a small town does not mean when someone calls in sick (like this past Friday) you can just REFUSE to sort the mail for your local Gov offices.
This means I received 5 times the amount of deposits today and you can kiss my ass.
Sincerly
Another reason small towns BITE ASS.
Dear Everyone in my little office:
Your a bunch of digbats. Seriously thank you for the entertainment. Just because both supervisors are away does not make "everyone" else the boss. It is very entertaining to watch you all run around jockeying for position.
Sure I will listen to you all talk shit about each other, it makes me laugh. You all need to get a life.
Sincerly
LMAO fly on the wall
Dear inventor of the electric blanket:
Where have you been all my life. Its like falling in love EVERYDAY. And why did you not make me purchase one 10 year ago. I mean serious. This is fucking AWESOME. I confess my love to you every day.
I love you
Thank you
Sincerly
Me and my VERY warm toes.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Open Letters to the fucktards that I encountered today
*** please note this post is FULL of bad things to say and just a little profanity... consider yourself warned....****
I LOVE retail, I know I am crazy for it but I just LOVE working in retail. So I worked my PT job today and let me tell you.. What a cluster fuck!!
Dear Store Manager:
You are our store manager right? I mean they pay you the big bucks and I can not figure out why your so FUCKING UNORGANIZED!!! Ok so last week you asked if I could pick up some extra shifts right? And I agreed to work Sunday (against my better judgement) Anyways, you did not change the schedule, nore did you mention to the other managers that I had agreed to take the shift. Sort of like the shit you pulled on Wednesday when you asked me to come in and I agreed because the hubby was not home and when I got there the manager on duty said to me "What are you doing here I called in "this person" to cover the shift because no one told me you were coming in. Yeah that kinda shit. Well that happened AGAIN today but a little different. I had agreed to come in Sunday, you never changed the schedule and again NEVER mentioned shit to any other manager well I debating on coming in seeing how when I worked with you yesterday and mentioned the schedule had not been changed and you "thought" you remembered but when I ran into my Dept manager at the movies she said she had no idea that I was coming in on Sunday and that it was never changed so if I did not show up no one would even notice (from my manager). Well being the kind hearted person and not wanted to fuck anyone else I show up at 8am as we had agreed and you "thought" you had remembered and it was a good fucking thing I did because if I had not the opening manager would have been left outside until 10pm when the next person came in.
Get your shit together already!! No wonder you can not hold onto any good staff!
Dear lady in the store with a APE SHIT MONKEYS:
I understand you need to get all your Christmas shopping done, as do all of us but when your children who I am certain are spawns of satan start screaming their faces off, its time for a FRIGGIN NAP!!They did not ask to be there and dragged around OUR FRIGGIN store for 2 hours screaming at the top of their bloody lungs while you decided on whether or not to get aunt Shelly sheets or a wine cooler for Christmas. You and your broad were so fucking loud that people ACTUALLY left because of you.
You are an inconsiderate ass hole, no wonder your children HATE you and throw stuff at your ass.
Dear Ass Hole parker's in the parking lot:
Serious its Christmas, chances are you are not going to be able to park any where near the door. And sitting there with your blinker on "pretending" someone is leaving, which cause all the poor souls behind you to wait 20 minutes for someone to actually leave because we can not go around you your a jerk.
And you are probably fat and need the exercise anyways.
Dear retarded "lets just put my coffee cup, monster can, beer bottle here in the middle of a display to let the "retail rats" pick it up because that's my right guys and gals:
Get some Friggin class douche bags its called a fucking garbage can, ask where you can find one, I get that your mother probably still wipes your ass but get a life.
Ok there I am done... sorry for the language carry on..
I LOVE retail, I know I am crazy for it but I just LOVE working in retail. So I worked my PT job today and let me tell you.. What a cluster fuck!!
Dear Store Manager:
You are our store manager right? I mean they pay you the big bucks and I can not figure out why your so FUCKING UNORGANIZED!!! Ok so last week you asked if I could pick up some extra shifts right? And I agreed to work Sunday (against my better judgement) Anyways, you did not change the schedule, nore did you mention to the other managers that I had agreed to take the shift. Sort of like the shit you pulled on Wednesday when you asked me to come in and I agreed because the hubby was not home and when I got there the manager on duty said to me "What are you doing here I called in "this person" to cover the shift because no one told me you were coming in. Yeah that kinda shit. Well that happened AGAIN today but a little different. I had agreed to come in Sunday, you never changed the schedule and again NEVER mentioned shit to any other manager well I debating on coming in seeing how when I worked with you yesterday and mentioned the schedule had not been changed and you "thought" you remembered but when I ran into my Dept manager at the movies she said she had no idea that I was coming in on Sunday and that it was never changed so if I did not show up no one would even notice (from my manager). Well being the kind hearted person and not wanted to fuck anyone else I show up at 8am as we had agreed and you "thought" you had remembered and it was a good fucking thing I did because if I had not the opening manager would have been left outside until 10pm when the next person came in.
Get your shit together already!! No wonder you can not hold onto any good staff!
Dear lady in the store with a APE SHIT MONKEYS:
I understand you need to get all your Christmas shopping done, as do all of us but when your children who I am certain are spawns of satan start screaming their faces off, its time for a FRIGGIN NAP!!They did not ask to be there and dragged around OUR FRIGGIN store for 2 hours screaming at the top of their bloody lungs while you decided on whether or not to get aunt Shelly sheets or a wine cooler for Christmas. You and your broad were so fucking loud that people ACTUALLY left because of you.
You are an inconsiderate ass hole, no wonder your children HATE you and throw stuff at your ass.
Dear Ass Hole parker's in the parking lot:
Serious its Christmas, chances are you are not going to be able to park any where near the door. And sitting there with your blinker on "pretending" someone is leaving, which cause all the poor souls behind you to wait 20 minutes for someone to actually leave because we can not go around you your a jerk.
And you are probably fat and need the exercise anyways.
Dear retarded "lets just put my coffee cup, monster can, beer bottle here in the middle of a display to let the "retail rats" pick it up because that's my right guys and gals:
Get some Friggin class douche bags its called a fucking garbage can, ask where you can find one, I get that your mother probably still wipes your ass but get a life.
Ok there I am done... sorry for the language carry on..
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