I'm alive just SUPER busy!! With PICTURES!

I went home to Canada and got to spend time with these 2 ladies!! My mom and sister!
Got to lay some smootches on my dad...
I learned that me and my godsons other god mother HAVE THE SAME TATTOO (how bizarre is that?)
Got to hug and hold my baby brother who I have not seen in 6 years....
Went out dancing and drinking with my baby sister.. so strange...

I got to meet a special new little man in my life...


I tried my skillzz on the one twos..
I got to hug and hold my friend Bryan who had a liver transplant last year (and yes I was so drunk the shutter on my camera did not open)
We meet the hubbys new oncologist..
I bid farewell to friends that have moved on to FABULOUS new jobs in different states....
Its been a busy few weeks! And I am just getting busier! I am so excited I am almost climbing out of my skin!!!

Things are good, I am still updating over on the Hubbys blog and things are going well with that. I miss blogging its such an outlet I will have to post more pictures soon!

Chemo #5 is in the books

The new hospital is SO amazing!!

I am so glad everything worked out. I know I say it lots but EVERYTHING does happen for a reason.

Everything!

You can read more about it at our other blog

I have had a lot of anxiety as we start up more chemo but now that the first one is in the books I am SO relieved!

The baby question?

So we always knew we were not going to have children. I have posted about it a few times and the reasons we could never have children

But now that my husband has Cancer this has opened a whole can of worms for me. Although I have been told that I can not have children I have this "hunch" that this challenge that we are up against. This thing called Cancer has nothing on me.

Since the news (Actually even before we heard the news I was teasing him about wanting a baby) I have had this overwhelming urge to get pregnant. TO try to get pregnant.

We have made the choice (well not really my body has) to not have babies, but now that the chance after Chemo and radiation will be gone forever?

He thought it would be crazy for me to get pregnant in case something happens to him not to mention all the complications I would have?

Am I so crazy?

I have come to the terms that I will never be a mother. I have embraced it, cried about it and moved on. It was not in gods plans for us to be parents.

But I would be lying if I said I had not put a lot of thought into this.

The doctor brought up the option to bank his sperm for later use and I cried when we talked about it.

I was worried that even though we did not choose to have children when the choice is taken away from us I was not sure about how I felt.

But after a long discussion we both agree everything happens for a reason. Good and bad. And we are staying positive about EVERYTHING!

It just sucks that I have to grieve about it again.....
This picture is from the April fools day joke we emailed our family and friends you can read about it here.

Its official

Its been confirmed its Hodgkin s Lymphoma Stage 2

He has 2 minor surgeries on Friday the first is to take some bone marrow to test it to make sure the cancer is not in his bones and the second it to "install" (sounds like something you would put in a car?) a portacath into his chest to administer the chemotherapy.

To read the whole story you can go here.

We are both pretty happy about it. If it has to be Cancer at least it is something that is treatable with a 90% success rate! So YAY for Hodgkins!

I know it sounds weird to be happy about it, I mean we had already got our heads around the whole "Cancer" thing and we are just relieved to know what it is and what we are doing to move forward.

Chemo starts within 2 weeks the doctors say.

Thank you all for your support and prayers and well wishes, I can speak for myself when I say I have felt them over the last 2 weeks.

Its hard to explain really. I mean you hear the words Cancer and you want to cry and scream and I never got that. Yes I cried and yes I was angry for a split second but its out of my hands. Its out of our control.

Craig is one of the strongest people I know. He has always been my rock. He NEVER gets sick. I know he will beat this. He has no choice!

My heart has been at piece with it. Now don't get me wrong. I am scared. I am scared to see the man I have spent the last 13 years with get sick. I am scared at the whole chemo and radiation stuff that is about to happen. I am scared that the doctor has explained this will be a 6 month process of chemo and radiation.

But my heart is at peace. I have faith that this will bring us closer as a family, it will truly test our weaknesses. But I KNOW, I know in my heart of all hearts that this is going to be ok!

Do you see what I have to deal with?

(being silly and I can not see it till I look at the picture)

Its ok to laugh. There is really nothing else we can do. The hubby is getting a little upset with me taking a bunch of pictures for the other blog so now he is just being silly...

Surgery went well you can read about it here.

Thank you all for the well wishes and prayers we are feeling them all!

The Blog is up * Edited

So I started a blog for the hubby and I to share our journey.



I also want to ask for help does anyone know how to make a button? I would like to have one to link to his blog or from people to have if they want it.

Try this again

Craigs Fight

or

http://craigsfight.blogspot.com/

Staying Positive

We are both staying positive and we are in good spirits. You never expect any of this to happen to YOUR family?

He has had his PET scan yesterday, which is where they inject you with the stuff that makes the tumors glow, and we have met with the oncologist and the radiologist oncologist and they are all BAFFLED how he is not sick. He is not showing ANY symptoms of the cancer.

We know for sure he has the tumor in his neck, he has a mass in his chest and he has a swollen spleen.

I forced the doctor to "guess" what stage he though it was at and he said if he had to go with what information he has that "not on record" it would be a stage 3 or 4.

Its all really scary. But it is out of our hands.

We meet with the surgeon today.

The love and support that has outpouring is amazing. We can feel it.

At least I can speak for myself when I say that my heart is at peace with what is about to happen. I know that sounds so weird. And I do not understand it myself. I have had no more than at least 5 people panicking about "are you ok" and to be honest

I am ok.

Its out of our control. Everyone keeps telling me that they can not believe how strong I am being. And they are worried I will fall apart.

I do not feel it. I have let go of the control and I am peace with what is about to happen. I have NO control over what will happen. Its going to happen even if I get angry, and scream, and cry. Its not going to change anything...

Thank you all for your love and support. We are working on a blog that I will share with you all as soon as its up and running. It will have all the information as we get it to share with family and friends and anyone else who may happen upon it. I have started taking pictures to document this journey so that maybe one day it will help someone else going through this.

This is my new mantra:

Hope is not about everything turning out ok. It's about being ok no matter how things turn out

How your life can change in an instant

So about a week ago the hubby showed me a bump on his neck. I being the doting wife told him to have a Dr look at it. (he works in a hospital)

Nurse says its a pulled muscle and to put ice on it.

So he does and no change.

So yesterday we go to a hospital to have it looked at because he was going out of town for the week (getting him in a hospital is like pulling teeth) after the 3 hour wait we leave.

We had set the alarms early to get up and go to a different hospital "just in case" because I did not want to wait till he got back to have it checked.

I chalked it up to "its nothing" but he swore it was something worse.

We woke up this morning at 6am and he says "Lets just not go, we can go when we get back"

Me very sleepy say "Ok if you think so"

He goes pee and that little nagging feeling hits me in the gut. I REALLY wanted to stay in the nice warm bed because it was all warm and comfy but I let my gut lead me

"Babe we are already up, lets just go and humor me that its nothing before you are gone for a week, last time I listened to my gut you went in for emergency surgery within hours of me getting you to the hospital"

Off to the hospital we go.

10 minutes in we are checked by a nurse who stated "Oh no worries that's not even where your lymph nodes are"

The Dr comes in says hi and introduces us to her assistant.

She them feels the lump on his neck and you can audibly hear her gasp at the size of it.

The Dr does not say much but tells us he needs a CT scan.

We wait 2 hours after he had to drink this HUGE container of chalky stuff to help the CT scan.

And then after about 30 hour the peppy little Dr pokes her head back in the room

"You have Lymphoma Cancer"

Not the man I love. Not the strongest man I know. Not the man who NEVER gets sick. Not the guy who always teases me about being sick.


Its not even real.

Cancer?

Its still really early and we do not know anything yet we know its Lymphoma we know they "suspect" its hodgkin's lymphoma.

We go for a PET scan on Wednesday and meet with the oncologist tomorrow....

If you pray, if you send good vibes if you want to just keep us in your thoughts....I will take anything you got!!

But the good news is we are both in good spirits. If you can say that. We both know and understand that it is out of our control.

For your viewing pleasure (after all the family had been notified) this is my husbands facebook status :

Randoms Husband has found out that he has Lymphoma....possibly Hodgkins. I will know more by the end of the week after the PET scan. Biopsy next week. Looking forward to the weight loss and cool medication. 33 is looking like the new 70.

One of the many reasons he is my hero...