Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he
is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she
cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.


'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis is you firss time and you berry
flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss
anyting you want. You juss ask Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound
experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for
her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting
I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he asks her....

'You want... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas??

New Machine at Wal- Mart

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money, “Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do! About it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. It’s a lot cheaper than a doctor.”
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

“you have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.” Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction and awaits the results:

The computer prints the following:

#1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

#2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

#3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

#4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

#5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.


Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.